Those Five Words

26.

Chapter 26

TRIS POV

Tris stands with her back to the target. The group has gathered round to watch. Zeke is standing next to me, I 'm sure he is there to try and give me strength. To make sure I don't screw this up. I look around the group and then my eyes find Peter. He is standing there with a smirk on his face, thinking he has won, that he has found a way to torment Tris even more than I know he already does. He may think he is smart but he isn't. I will do this and then I will make it my mission to make sure that he doesn't become a Dauntless member. I don't know how, but I am going to find a way.

"Ready?" I ask Tris. She nods her head. "Don't move okay?" I don't know if I'm saying okay to Tris or I'm trying to reassure myself. My chest feels tight, I am tempted to take a few more shots of alcohol but that wouldn't be wise. I need to get this right, cause the least amount of damage to Tris and throw suspicion away from my feelings for her.

I pass the knife from my left hand to my right, as I always do. I inhale then I exhale and the knife has left my sweaty fingers. The knife has landed an inch from Tris' right knee. I can hear the people around me breathe again. Only three more to go I think.

I start the process again. Passing the knife from my left to my right hand. Inhale, exhale and once again the knife is gone. It has landed an inch from her left cheek. Tris hasn't moved, I wonder if she is even breathing at the moment. I look into her eyes and I am sure she trusts me, if only she knew what I know I have to do. But first I need to release this third knife. The knife lands just above her head right where the part is in her hair.

One to go. I look at Zeke hoping he will tell me I don't need to do this but no, it is the opposite. "C'mon man, you can do this. It will be okay," he whispers to me. I am concentrating harder than I ever thought I possibly could. I have to wipe the fear from my mind, stop listening to my beating heart as it is racing ready to burst out of my tight chest at any moment.

I ignore my sweating palms; I am staring at the cartilage on the tip of her ear. I inhale then exhale and I let the knife go. Although it is over in less than a second with minimal damage to Tris physically, the emotional damage to me could have lasting ramifications. Did I just blow any chance with her? Does this negate the beautiful kiss we shared just a moment ago.

I look at Tris and I can see the burning anger in her eyes, she has clenched fists and I am waiting for the barrage of insults that should be coming my way any moment. Zeke runs up to Tris, "girl you were awesome!" He then whispers to her, "I know you're pissed but you need to pick someone to give a dare too. Do that, then have words with my boy over there."

Tris looks at Zeke and I can see that he is going to be the first to have to deal with her wrath. "Ok Zeke," she says loudly. "I dare you to let Christina dress you up in women's clothing and you walk down the streets of Abnegation."

Christina lets out a squeal of joy. Seems she doesn't mind who she is making over, she is going to enjoy this. "Ok we will meet at the train tracks in fifteen minutes," Zeke says. Christina laughs and says, "Make it thirty I need time to work. Girls come and help me. This is going to be so much fun."

Everyone starts to walk out of the training room, either making their way to the train tracks or they are following Zeke and Christina to help with the makeover. Tris hasn't moved she is still standing in front of the target. As soon as everyone has left the room she walks over to where I am standing. I haven't been able to move. All I want to do is take her in my arms and say I'm sorry but I'm frightened if I move I will throw up. I feel sick to the stomach. How do I ever explain to her why I did it? Without me sounding like a complete fool.