Those Five Words

32.

Chapter 32

Tris POV

I'm lying on my bed in the dorm, I can hear the others breathing and the occasional person stirring on their bed. The last few days have been emotionally draining for me. I don't feel like sleeping, my mind is wide awake and I keep going over everything that has happened. Not just Tobias but initiation. I never knew it would be this tough. There is also the fun to be had here in Dauntless. I never could have imagined having friends, playing crazy games, laughing so much that I thought I would have a permanent stomach ache from the strain.

I've been trying not to think of Tobias but all my thoughts keep coming back to him no matter how much I try to think of other things that have happened. From the moment I landed on the net I felt a connection with him, even without knowing who he was. Then I think of the game of dare and that first kiss. This makes me smile; I don't think I'd ever been that nervous in all of my life. Then I remember Tobias saying how I slapped him when we kissed when we were little.

I have to stop myself from laughing at the thought of that kiss. We were supposed to be helping my mum at the sorting centre. We went down to the sorting centre and made sure my mum saw us then we snuck out the back door and hid between the old crates and boxes. Tobias said if they caught us we could say we were looking for more boxes. We hid between the boxes and talked.

We were talking about which faction we wished we were in. I told him I would have liked to be Dauntless. I loved how the kids were always running somewhere. I loved the way they jumped off the trains. Tobias wasn't sure which faction he would like but he told me that he would want to go wherever I was. Then he turned and kissed me, I remember how shocked I was, we weren't even allowed to hold hands and he had kissed me. I slapped him across the face and ran all the way home.

I got in so much trouble when mum got home because I was supposed to be at the centre and instead she had found me at home. I would hate to think how much trouble I would of been in if she knew Tobias had kissed me. Or that I had slapped him. It seems funny now when I think about it. For so long thinking of Tobias only made me sad but now everything has changed.

I have only been in Dauntless a few weeks but so much has happened. I knew I was falling for Four and then it turns out he is Tobias. Tobias. I'm glad he is alive I really am but now I don't know what to think. Yes I have feelings for him. I just don't know if I should show those feelings. He left me once before, would he leave again?

I am broken from my thoughts when I here shuffling shoes across the room. What is someone doing up at this hour. Then there is a heavy thud. Before I can think about what is happening a blood curdling wail comes from where I heard the shoes only a moment before. I jump from my bed but it is too dark to see what is happening. Then another scream pierces my ears.

The lights come on and I see Edward lying on the floor next to his bed. Surrounding his head is a halo of blood and jutting from his clawing fingers is a butter knife, like the ones used in the dining hall. The blade is stuck in his eye.

I walk over to Edward and crouch down beside his head. I put my hands on his shoulders and I say, "lie still." Edward is still thrashing around so I say louder with more force, "I said, lie still and breathe." I can't hear the screams from Myra anymore, I feel calm and I know I need to try and calm Edward too.

"Take it out!" he yells. "Get it out, get it out!"

"Edward," I say. I'm trying to get him to focus his attention on me and not the knife. "You have to let the doctor take it out. Edward are you listening to me?"