The rant book

3/7/16

So I was on pint and saw this quote.
THE BEST RELATIONS ARE THE ONES YOU NEVER SAW COMING
and I have to admit, this is so true. I love the fact that the two guys that i knew had a crush on me were first my friends. They came into my life as mates and left as crushes. I still miss my first crush. The picture of him holding my hand so tight during my birthday burns in my heart. I wait for the day he'd come back and I can hug him. I want to do badly but I know I can't because he would never hug anyone. Another guy came into my life after my crush left. This guy had been in my class since ever and he saw the whole scenario during my birthday but still he became my friend. He confessed to me saying he loved me, two days after he told me he and his girl split up. Obviously I dint believe him but after I rejected him, he started ignoring me. To be honest, I know I'm too young for a relationship but it feels good to know that I'm not a useless fat being like my mum Says. I feel good to know my crush liked me back even after he saw my fat thighs and big body. He liked me for my attitude. But I lost him. I lost the one man in my life who liked me for me. I miss him a lot. Whenever I do rants like these, the love and affection I had for him rises back again. But the worst part of my life is that my best Friend, started talking too much with him. To be honest I know he was a playboy and texted girl more than he texted guy but it felt good to know that he actually flirted with me. Maybe it was a bet. Maybe it was for fun. Maybe he actually liked me for that time. Who knows but he will always hold a special place in my heart. After all they say, your first love will always have a special place in your heart.
I wanted to cry when he left but I couldn't, I didnt even way goodbye because I did not know till holidays had started and I wld never be allowed to meet him during hols. But well maybe this goodbye would not really be goodbye. Maybe I'll meet him someday and I'll be glad that I never said goodbye that day. I just hope that day is soon because I don't think I can take it long. Knowing that I think of him so much and he probably doesn't think of me half as much.
This is what I worry of, he is the one who left, he is the one who is gonna meet new people, he is the one who will probably have new crushes. I will be the one here will my old friends, my hopes getting crushed day by day. But I cant cry. I can't break my facade or else what is it all worth. My effort and time building up these walls and masks.
Love,
V. Anz