its been a while since i wrote something here. A lot has happened. I started dating a really close friend and we broke up. Well to be honest, idk why i did it. i dont know what made me want to break up with him. i like him, a lot. I always thought id never be the kind of girl to cry over a guy. But, i am. I am so used to holding in my emotions that my head is bursting. I want to cry despretely to let it all out but i cant. Everything is going haywire in my head and i dont know what to say. i used a text his friend sent me as a leverage for the break up because im a fking priss. i cant handle getting too attached. I wanted to leave with no regrets and until now i managed to do so successfully. Until the break up. I made up with all my classmates and i made sure to not cause a fight with anyone.
I guess i dint want him to get hurt as much as i would. i figured him hating me would be easier than him loving me and we trying out long distance. I would have loved it if we worked out but with limited communication and the feeling of lack of trust he has in me, i cant do it. he doesnt know how many times he has hurt me and i dont want him to know. let him hate me for as long as he wants. he will get over it and so will i.
I just hope its soon because i cant handle crying over my friends and my family and him. Ive never gone to boarding school but this is something that scares me. At least attempting would give me a rush like no other.
im having a break down and no one is there for me when i need them most. i guess its not so surprising anymore is it. life is harsh and i guess my friends arent what i need them to be. its okay though, we r all going to move on.
i loved him. i still do but its okay. its nevermind. its done and he wont ever forgive me and thats it. i ruined my own chances and i cant blame anyone. anyway gtg
YOU ARE READING
The rant book
RandomFears that consume me to my very core. They make me doubt myself and everything about me. I hate it.
