Blogged

17

"Rose! Rose!" i heard her shout.

"Mum." she stood in front of me but i felt as if i was so far away from her.

There was so much i wanted to say to her at least but my mouth wouldn't open.

The words were gone.

Her long brown hair fell over her shoulders and she smiled, I tried to call her again and i noticed that tears ran down my cheeks but i wasn't able to

move at all and i watched how she faded.

"Rose! Rose!" i opened my eyes.

Becks big green eyes were above me.

"Fuck, are you okay?" her voice trembled.

I gulped.

"Is it... this again?" i could hear the panic in Beccas voice.

"No, it's not" i sat up from the couch were i layed and immediately put my hand up to my head because i felt dizzy.

"It just was all maybe a little too stressful the last days" somehow i tried to convince myself too.

Rebecca sat on the couch without any motion.

"You can't take those pills again they will destroy you" her voice was harsh.

"Becca please"

And then i couldn't force that thoughts coming up my mind, back.

' The headache was so terrible strong that i had to take those pills.

They helped to forget about the pain.

I had this stab for ages, it suddenly came and suddenly left.

One doctor had sent me to another. They all talked about an oparation but it would be difficult and they couldn't promise me anything. To this it was about a sum i couldn't pay in my lifetime.

So i searched for any physician who could help me because i wasn't able to live on with this mental pain.

One said it wasn't a physically thing.

It would come over from my psyche.

That was the day i closed all my shutters and didn't want to come out of my room.

If Becca wouldn't had been there for me, i probably really had taken advantage of suicide.

Like my mother.

Anyway i had taken those pills in my room.

Becca always said that those were drugs.

But i just called them aid.

They took the pain and made everything easy. You hadn't worries, you felt like you could do everything.

But after the effect had worn off , the nightmares were even worse.

This desaster was gone as Becks and I started with our online blogs.

It wasn't hard pain anymore and Becca had grabbed the pills so i could be free again, without this fear if i had the pills with me or not. Because they also stopped those panic attacks i got when my body cramped until i suddenly break down. '

"I won't take them, don't worry" i said to Becca.

She nodded.

I went upstairs as my phone vibrated in my pocket.

"Marina?" i had seen her number on my display.

"The photo you have sent me will be in the next magazine. Well done. We know that he had dated her before, so this could get interesting with Gabriella." she sounded very pleased.

"Ok. What is about Gabriella?" i asked because i didn't get this.

"Gabriella Wilde? You made the pictures at the fashion show.. remeber? Harry is dating her currently."

What? Oh. There was an odd feeling down in my stomach. I thought she also was just one of his latest girls for once but it seemed like this wasn't the case. I shouldn't care but i did.

Why did he call me his girlfriend when he could had said Gabriella was.

"Hello? Are you there?" Marina stopped my thoughts.

"Yes."

"Okay. So. Your first job for our magazine is there." it sounded like she smiled.

"Really. That's great. What is it?"

"The Coachella festival is on saturday. They will be there. He will be there and who knows with whom he will be there. You have to find out and please go as close as you can."

Wow. I always had wanted to go there.

"Georgia Rose?" he voice was serious.

"Yea? And you can call.."

"No you should be okay with Georgia. Anyway i know that you are seeing Niall. From One Direction. One of Harrys best friends." she interrupted me.

"I.. i .. it was.. just .. it" i stuttered.

"No haha don't be sorry ! That makes me sure that you're smart girl" she laughed.

I let the air i was holding out.