Little Old Me

Words

It is amazing how one little word, one phrase, can instantly change how one is feeling. It can be a good change, like a compliment, but it can also be a change that makes everything inside you go dark.

Anxiety cares not whether the phrase was meant to be reassuring. He does not listen to reason. He takes pleasure in erratic emotions and fundamental weaknesses. All he needs is one possibly bad mental image to take hold of you and lock you up in his cold embrace. Once he has you, he does not let go until he is satisfied. When he sees what he views to be the appropriate level of terror filling you, sensations akin to blood turning to ice inside your veins.

Anxiety is cruel and sadistic, feeding on your worst experiences and fears and turning them into social isolation. He seeks only to reduce you to a miniscule, trembling ball of fear. Unresponsive to any comfort that loved ones may attempt to provide, until you hide from everyone and everything because you cannot trust anything else. You stop feeling anything but these negative emotions and forget what it felt like to be warm and happy.

I am still seeking the warmth, hoping that I will not be dragged down into this extreme level of anxiety, after my last panic attack.

However, two attacks in one week is a bad sign.. I can only hope that no more trigger words rear their ugly heads at me until after finding that warmth and healing within it.