Fairy Tail x Reader

Zeref x Reader - The Beauty in Destruction

Reader'sPOV-

I'm not wanted. I'm not wanted in the guild that lets even the worst of people into their family. Sure, I made some mistakes, but everyone does. Why should mine be regarded as unforgivable because there was death included. Everyone dies, everyone gets hurt, it's unavoidable. And it's not like I wanted to hurt her, it's not like I could control what happened. If it happened to be anyone else that caused it, I know that it wouldn't have been made such a big deal and there would be forgiveness.

I came to Fairy Tail to be loved, to feel like I matter, to not feel like how I do at home. But it was pointless. No matter what, I'll never be loved with the destruction I hold within. At first everything was going well, everyone liked me until they asked me the question that separates me from others. "What type of magic do you have?"

I wanted to lie, I wanted to lie to them and tell them that my magic holds no danger, but that would be wrong. So every single time I tell them the truth. And then they walk away, never to speak to me again. I can't stand it. I can't stand that they're so quick to judge. Just the mention of my magic, they feel like they need to separate themselves from me to survive. But I can't blame them. It's true.

Lisanna was the only one that didn't fear me, she invited me to go places and socialize with others. She never believed in judging a book by its cover. She always treated me like a normal person and she learned her lesson. I learned mine too. She learned to never be near me, but I don't know how much it will help her now. And I learned that I can't be loved and that I can't be cared for. And to save people and save them from harm, I have to keep distance. I understand what I do to others and all living things, but I still feel like I shouldn't be isolated from everyone else.

Even though Lisanna was told time and time again to stay away from me, she still kept coming back to me. Now, I only wish that she listened to them. Lisanna was going on a mission with her brother Elfman and her sister Mira-Jane. She was able to persuade them to let me come along, saying that my magic was very powerful and I would be very helpful. But my magic was too powerful and too out of control.

And Lisanna paid the price for trusting me. The four of us were fighting this monster that was disturbing a town. For most of the fight, I did nothing. I, myself was afraid of what I was capable of. And I knew that if I hurt anyone besides the monster, I would be gratefully punished. Mira-Jane and Elfman seemed pleased with my lack of contributing, but Lisanna was a different story. She was mad that I wasn't helping and just cowering in the corner. She told me to help, to contribute to the fight. I was so sure that I was going to lose control and hurt someone. But Lisanna spoke words that touched my heart. She told me that, everything's only in my head and that I should trust myself. So that's what I did, I used my magic.

At first everything was going smoothly and I felt happy, in touch with my magic and my life. But it all came crashing down when it became too much. It was too hard to control and concentrate. I couldn't hold on anymore, my grip on my magic began to crumble away and it became harder and harder. I cried out again and again to go as far as you can away from me, to save their lives from my destruction. But Lisanna didn't listen, she stayed by my side speaking words that should have calmed me down. She told me I could do it, that I could conquer what has been ruling me my entire life. But she was wrong, nothing can save me.

So Lisanna fell to the ground lifeless and broken. My magic energy stopped and I was set free, but Lisanna wasn't. She was locked in on and was a targeted by my magic to sliced through. At the time, I knew it wasn't my fault. If anything, it was Lisanna's fault, one for her inviting me, and two she didn't run away. That was what Lisanna wanted me to think, she told me that as her, I guess you would say, dying wish. And I understood her, I knew what she meant. If I thought it was my fault, I would rip myself to pieces.