I roll out of bed and immediately check my phone. But there's no new notifications. Rolling my eyes I groan and throw my phone down.
I was hoping to see a text from Ethan, but he probably already forgot about me. Go figure.
I walk into the bathroom and take a quick warm shower. After my hair is done drying I scrape it into a messy ponytail, then grab some spandex and a tank top and take my running shoes out of the garbage. Which I threw the shoes into after quitting the team.
I slump over to my desk and grab my keys and headphones that are laying there.
My stomach growls and I let out a sigh. So I walk downstairs and grab and apple.
I walk over to the cabinets and grab all the pills I have to take. "Hey mom I'm going to go to the um store." I say while swallowing the pills.
"Okay hurry back for lunch."
"I'll just grab something while I'm out." I feel bad for lying to her, but I just can't do it anymore. I feel so weak and helpless like I can't do anything.
I need to run again. I just need to do something, I'm tired of sitting and doing nothing, being alone with my own thoughts is more tiring then actually running.
I head out to my car taking bites of my apple. Hopping in I start up the car and pull out of the driveway mid eating my apple and start driving to the park.
I pull up and take the parking spot next to the play set, I sit there for a minute just looking at the happy kids running around without a care in the world.
I would do anything for that again, not having to worry about something happening to me all the time. That's why I have to do this right now. I have to prove everyone wrong, I have to prove myself wrong, that I can do this. I can be a normal person and just go for a run.
"You can do this," I whisper to myself. I Set the apple down in the seat next to me then hop out of the car into the humid thick air.
I mentally groan at the gross weather, while I'm at it I mentally curse the little children happily running around without any worry at all.
I plug in my earbuds, and play my favorite playlist, then start walking. Stepping to the beat I slowly move from a walk to a jog.
Setting my pace I relax my face and concentrate on my breathing. I look straight head at the path and try not to concentrate on my chest slowly tightening, so I just sing along to the music in my head.
I'm not even halfway into the song when it hits me. My pace slows and I start to feel light headed. Halfway into the song my breathing becomes extremely uneven and choppy, it feels like someone is pushing me under water and I fight for breath but they won't let me up.
My chest tightens and I try to gasp for breath. Along with my other struggles I try to hold back the tears that are begging to pour down my face.
My legs start to betray my body, and I'm stumbling all over the place. I taste the saltiness of the tears that are now streaming down my face.
The music blasting in my ears now feels like a faint echo at the end of a tunnel.
My vision starts to go blurry and black spots are starting to appear, making everything worse.
I try to keep pushing, but my body doesn't agree. I finally collapse on the ground in distress, I think I'm actually having a heart attack. I curl up in a ball of pain struggling for breath.
I see someone run over but I can't make out who because of the blurriness.
I close my eyes and try to calm down. I slow down my breathing a little but not before my body starts lifting up off the ground and into someone's arms. I burry my head into whoever chest it is, at this point I don't really care who or what I just want the pain to stop.
