Superhero→ Ponyboy Curtis

EIGHTEEN

"I think the hardest part of losing someone, isn't having to say goodbye, but rather learning to live without them. Always trying to fill the void, the emptiness that's left inside your heart when they go."
{unknown}

//

I STILL CAN'T wake up, but I could still hear Derek's faint voice talking to me. He clutched his hand in mine and I heard him sigh. "C'mon, Ki. You can do this. I know you can hear me, so please try your best to pull through this. Try your best to wake up."

I closed my eyes real tight, or at least in my mind I did. Outside of my mind, I probably wasn't moving at all. It was like I was surrounded by darkness everywhere I turned. Flashbacks surrounded me and I was in the middle of it all. I glanced at all of them and my heart stopped when my eyes landed on one of my favorite memories as a child.

//

"Hey, Gramps!" I squealed and reached for him to pick me up. He chuckled and once he had me in his arms, he twirled me around. I started giggling and put my hand in his, comparing how small mine were compared to his huge hands. "You know," My grandpa started, "you're getting too old for me to pick you up."

I crossed my arms and huffed. "I am not! I'm only six years old!"

He laughed and started tickling me, causing me to go into fits of laughter. "Alright, kids." My mom laughed, addressing Gramps as a child.

I hopped on Gramps's back as he carried me towards my favorite ride. The Ferris wheel. I was squeezing the bear he won for me, while on his back. It had white fur and wore blue overalls. Gramps sat me down in the seat and buckled both of us up. He stared at me with excitement in his eyes. "You ready, Kieran?"

I nodded repeatedly and held onto my white bear as tight I could. Once we got to the top of the Ferris wheel, I gasped and pointed ahead. "Gramps, we can see everything from up here!"

He giggled. "Yeah, Sunshine. We're on top of the world. Me and you."

I had a grin plastered across my face and buried myself in Gramps's jacket because it was so cold out. He wrapped his arm around me and chuckled. "You really love that bear, huh?"

"Of course I do, Gramps, you're the one that won it for me."

He flashed me a warm smile. "Are you going to keep that bear the rest of your life?"

I shook my head yes. "I'll keep it safe, so even if I'm without you, I'll still think of you."

"Well, that makes me feel real happy, Kieran."

"I love you, Gramps."

"I love you too, Kieran."

//

THE CARNIVAL WAS coming up soon and I can't wait for Gramps and I to go again. We always go to the Ferris wheel for our last ride. It was tradition.

I snapped back out of my flashback when I heard Eagan's voice. "Hey, Kieran." She sounded like she was crying and I wanted to be conscious again just so I can wake up and hug her.

"The gang and I miss you so much. Please, please," Her voice cracked and she took a deep breath, "Please wake up. Something bad happened, Kieran. We need you to wake up."

Something bad happened?

I started to stir out of my unconscious state, and I felt my hands and feet gain movement again. "Oh my- GUYS! SHE'S UP!" She shouted and I heard multiple footsteps running towards my bed.

I blinked about a thousand times before I could fully open them. I went back to my flashback earlier and looked around, knitting my eyebrows in confusion. "Gramps?"

The whole room fell silent and the only sound you could hear were the nurses footsteps across the hallway. My voice became steadier and louder as I repeated it a second time. "Where. Is. Gramps?"

Eagan had my hand in hers and she took a deep breath. "The bad thing I mentioned while you were unconscious..."

I moved my hand away from hers and started having rapid breaths. I started frantically looking around, "WHAT HAPPENED?!" I screamed, causing all of the nurses outside of my hospital room to stop and stare.

"Kieran," Derek appeared and sat on the edge of my bed, grabbing my hand. "When we told Corey what happened to you, he had a heart attack. He died on the table. There was nothing we could do to save him."

It felt like someone took a stake and shoved it in my chest. I was silent, and I couldn't move nor breathe. I guess this is what doctors call you being in shock. They kept staring at me, expecting me to flip out, but I couldn't. I couldn't do anything. If you asked me to speak, move, or blink, I wouldn't be able to do it.

"She's in shock." Derek spoke softly and ushered everyone out of the room. Once it was just me and him, he closed the door and stood in front of the bed. "I'm so so sorry you have to go through this. I am so sorry." He spoke in a tone that really said he meant it.

"I.. I" I choked out and swallowed the lump in my throat while closing my eyes, "I didn't see Pony in here."

Derek bit his lip, his expression telling me that he didn't know if he should tell me. "He passed out. It was from all of the stress, and the restless night he spent up here with you. He's been by your side the whole time, you know that right? He really cares about you, Kieran."

"Is he going to be okay?" My voice squeaked, and I knew I was about to let all of my tears drain out.

"Yes, I promise. He'll be up in a few hours."

I nodded my head and sighed in relief. "How long have I been out?"

He chuckled. "For a good eight hours." He left the room and when I pictured the flashback I just had with Gramps, I felt my eyes getting glossy.

The worst type of crying is the silent one. The one when everyone is asleep or not around. The one where you feel it in your throat, and your eyes become blurry from the tears. The one where you just want to scream. The one where you have to hold your breath and grab your stomach to keep quiet. The one where you can't breathe anymore. The one when you realize the person that meant the most to you, is gone.

And that's the type of crying I had.