Looking Through Me | Attack on Titan Fan Fiction

Chapter 3: Rendezvous

I think I blacked out. When my eyes started to slide open, I heard the anxious whispers and accusations of the crowd once again, and distant voices that melded into one symphony.

"Is she alright?"

"I...I think she passed out."

"Obviously! Why are you accusing her of heresy? That's the largest crime people can commit!"

"Take her back to the dorms. You can explain it to her."

"I will not go without an answ—"

"Eren, as your commanding officer, I demand that you do not argue with me. I don't mean to be rude or unreasonable, but please leave. You're drawing the public."

"Let's go, Eren."

Those were the last words that floated in my ear and out the other. I slowly began to gain consciousness as they carried me to the dorms. Armin had stayed behind because I was being carried by Eren, with one arm around my shoulders and the other under my knees, when I woke up.

I wasn't sure what was going on, but I knew that this wasn't a dream. I didn't know what this was, at all. It couldn't have been reality, but it was impossible to be a dream. This was beyond realistic, and the thought of dying scared me. My heart sped up, my blood pounded in my ears and my stomach filled with butterflies—or an angry swarm of bees.

"Eren...?" I murmured, and looked over his shoulder to see Mikasa. He looked down at me but didn't say anything; and looked forward again with a steely gaze.

"Quiet, Jennika. Wait until we get to the dorms," Mikasa said.

I obliged, and closed my eyes. Was I really about to die? More whispers came from the crowd, too loud to be ignored, begging to be heard. They said things like that I was allied with Them, that I was a mystery child, or that I was the devil's spawn. I didn't know why they hated me, but the reason soon became clear.

When we came back to the dorms, and Eren placed me on the bed, I took a huge breath. First things first, I said exactly what I needed to know. "Why the fuck am I being fined with heresy?"

Eren took a big breath and Mikasa looked at the ground.

"They think that you're allied with the Titans," Mikasa said.

"I know that," I replied, "but why? I was almost eaten by one, for Pete's sake. I'm human. I'm nothing but food to them." I looked towards my hands which were clasped together in my lap, and I whispered, "Am I going to die?"

Eren stood up, his eyes shielded by his brown bangs. He clenched his hands, and said, "You want the cold, hard truth?"

I nodded. "That's why I asked. Don't sugarcoat it."

He looked at me, his green eyes hard and determined. "You don't have any records of being here before. You don't have any birth certificate, you never enrolled in school, and no one claims to know you. Jennika, you appeared in the Shiganshina district exactly five years after That Day. On the fifth year anniversary of the first breached district. Don't you find that suspicious?" he said. I was too scared to answer.

"No one knows anything about you," Mikasa added, "so they don't have any reason to keep you around. You were found outside the walls, and not on any mission or expedition. No civilian could've gotten there. Heresy is the largest charge here, even ranked above murder. Heresy is going against everything we've known for the past century, and going against our three deities: Maria, Rose, and Sina. If found guilty of heresy, anyone is charged with a death sentence."

My stare was blank and hollow, and remained frozen on the spot. I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to die. No matter how many times I said it, it sounded new every time I repeated it. I was really being fined with a death sentence.

"So that's just it? My life's over...and just like that?" I muttered, dazed.

I fell back against the sheets, and reached an open hand towards the ceiling. "All my years of life, that I was never meant to have, and was punished for... That I was convinced would get better, and now it's just...over." My palms snapped shut when I said that, and my arm fell out of the air.

I heard the door open, and heard footsteps walk out. The door closed behind Eren and Mikasa, and I was gratetful. All I needed was time to myself; to let out what I needed to.

My eyes watered, and I didn't bother brushing them away. I buried my face in the pillow, and wailed a death cry. Tears poured down my cheeks, being absorbed into my white cotton pillow. I shook my head back and forth, begging for anyone to let me wake up. I didn't care that I was meeting my heroes, I was done. My euphoria was gone, and I wanted nothing more than to leave forever. Sobbing my sorrows into my pillow, I clenched the fabric and curled my legs into my chest. When the crying stopped, I just shook with the tears that wouldn't come, and curled into a tighter ball to shield out the outside world.

A soft knock brought me back to reality, and I sniffled. "Come in."

The door opened, and Armin stepped in. He sat on the bed next to me, and gave a weak smile. "Hello."

I didn't say anything. All I did was grab his hand, and hold it to my chest. He looked confused, and opened his mouth, but I spoke first. "Armin, can you feel my heartbeat?"

I pressed his hand closer to my chest. He slowly nodded, and I looked straight forward, ignoring his questioning eyes. "In a month, you won't be able to feel it. It'll be gone by then."

I felt another tear slip down my cheek, down my nose, to splash into the pillow. More than ever, I just needed comfort. Something that would give me the headstone to hold onto, that my dad never gave me.

Hoping that he wouldn't freak out, I sat up, wrapped my arms around him, and buried my face in his chest. "I don't want to die."

I felt Armin hesitate before rubbing my back, and I sniffled again. When I willed myself not to soak his shirt in my snot and tears, another small knock came from the door. I immediately unlatched from Armin, and looked at Mikasa.

She opened the door, and her and Eren stepped in. Armin got up, and caught onto the grave tension between us all.

"Jennika," Mikasa said, "do you want to die?"

My brows angled in confusion, and I opened my mouth, but she held up her hand.

"Do you want to die?" she asked again. All the light in her coal eyes had gone, and she had reverted to her emotionless self.

"No," I whispered.

"Are you willing to fight for your life?" Eren asked.

"Am I allowed to?"

"Are you willing to fight for it?!" he yelled at me, and I leaned back.

My eyes narrowed, and I swung me feet out of the bed. I matched myself with him, having to look up an inch; nearly pressing my nose to his when I growled, "Like hell I won't."

We sized each other up, before I took a step back. My blood was flowing hot in my veins. What kind of question was that?! Of course I wanted to live!

"Then we have an idea," Armin said.

I looked at each of them, their expressions still tense. "What kind of idea?"

Eren paced back and forth, and fixed his eyes on me. "We figured out a way to get them to sentence you as not guilty."

My caramel eyes widened. "What? How?!"

Mikasa looked at me. "Well, we had a lot of soldier's lives taken in the last expedition. The court almost never sentences a soldier as guilty for anything. We need all the soldiers we can find."

My heart was pounding. "Stop beating around the bush. Please just tell me," I begged.

Armin leaned against the wall. "We're going to make you into a soldier. One of the best in this century," he claimed.

Eren looked at me. "We're going to...leave the Walls for a bit. We know a spot were it's relatively safe from Titans, and we know the area well. I was trained there. We'll borrow some equipment and horses, and no one will know. If a few of us disappear, no one cares. It's only if a whole unit bails that everyone wants the details. If you become a soldier, there's no way the court will sentence you to death."

All three of them turned to me, and put their fists over their hearts. "As members of the 104th Trainee Squad, we will do everything in our power to make sure that you don't die."

My hands clasped over my mouth. "You guys...are you serious?"

They all nodded, and Eren smiled. "You bet."

I felt my eyes prick with tears, and these ones were from happiness. Without thinking my actions through, I jumped up and wrapped my arms around all their necks, and murmured, "Thank you so, so much. No one's ever been willing to go to such lengths for me."

Mikasa was the first to pull back, and clapped her hand on my shoulder. "We'll have to go now. It took us five years to become acceptable soldiers, and you only have thirty days. Let's go."

I nodded, and ran out. I slipped on my Puma sneakers, and we went to the basement of the dorms. The dorms were divided into two wings, and I guess that's where all the soldiers stayed. The supplies were kept at the bottom, and it wasn't until later that I realized I was in Mikasa's bed.

"They won't be too happy if they find us... Tonight, we have to pull this off flawlessly. If not, we'll be placed under a lot higher security," Armin said.

"True. The only way we can get the horses over the wall would be to use the elevator. There's two permanently set up on either side of the wall, so we can use those. There shouldn't be anyone on night duty, but we'll still have to be cautious," Eren added. I nodded.

We ran downstairs, and they collected everything, because I didn't know where anything was for the life of me. They got a uniform for me, the same size as Mikasa's, 3D Manuever Gear, spare gas for themselves and I, spare blades, a handbook, and other equipment. Apparently, the place we were going had stocks of food and water for emergencies, so we'd be surviving off of brick-like bread and jerky for the next thirty days. That leftover liver didn't seem too bad anymore.

After making sure no one was around, we snuck out and into the courtyard, gathering horses. The four of us got three horses, because I'd never ridden one and probably be scared to death by it. After getting them to silently walk through town, we managed to load two at a time onto the elevator, while the others worked the crank to haul them up. There were two cranks, one at the top and bottom, so when Eren and Mikasa got up they helped Armin and I.

Once Eren, Mikasa, Armin, and I repeated the process to get to the other side, which was scarce for Titans because of the late hour, we mounted. I clambered onto the back of Eren's horse, because it was the largest. I wrapped my arms around his chest, and I let out a yawn. It was probably somewhere past one in the morning.

"Ready?" Eren asked, and the others nodded. He looked over his shoulder, and whispered to me, "Hold on tight."

With that, they whipped the reins. The horses reared, and we began on our journey outside Wall Rose.