Changes.............

4

"Serena, can I ask you something?"

I looked at Leilani, as I turned off my laptop. She was watching me, biting her lip.

"What is it, Leilani?"

She blushed, and I couldn't help thinking about how cute she looked.

Things have settled since we had that little talk a few days ago. We've talked about it a little, but mostly we've just been adjusting to being together.

"Well.............. I was wondering, how you figured it out?"

"Leilani, come here."

I wanted her to sit a little closer, as I explained this.

She moved a little closer, and I grabbed her hand. She tended to put our hands on her lap, but she avoided putting them on my lap, she didn't want to make me uncomfortable.

I looked at her, squeezing her hand.

"I don't mind talking about it with you, Leilani."

She looked down at out hands, and I made her look at me.

"I just don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Stop that it's fine."

"OK."

I took a deep breathe, thinking about how I wanted to talk about this.

"About four and a half years ago, I decided I couldn't live the way I was. I just wasn't happy, and after a lot of thinking about what I really want, I knew that I was transgender. Mitch was the first person I told and he supported me. He asked me how I figured it out, and I told him................. I just, I never felt comfortable like that. It was like I was trapped and I wanted to change something. He helped me figure it all out, and tell my parents. They were surprised, but wanted me to be happy. They helped me find someone and start everything. When I told them, that I was changing my name, they just asked what I was changing it to and started calling me Serena. I started the hormone treatment and well.............. Here we are."

She nodded listening to me.

"What about surgeries?"

"Don't worry about that, I haven't had to much, just some feminisation surgery. The hormones worked, so I didn't need to worry about that too much. I'm just waiting for my..................."

I trailed off, knowing she would understand what she meant. I showed her the scar on my throat from the surgery, and she got a fright, but once I told her it didn't hurt she calmed down. 

"Yeah, don't worry about that. If and when you get it, I'll be here for you."

I sighed, running my hand through my hair.

"I just can't figure out why someone like you, would want to be with a freak like me?"

She let go of my hand, and lay her hands on my shoulders.

"You are not, and I repeat, not a freak. You're just a little different, and I care about you, Serena. You're beautiful, caring, kind, sweet............"

I blushed, and she leaned in, kissing me. This had happened a lot over the past few days, except this time, she didn't pull away. I was nervous, and she could see that. she wanted me to relax around her. I was afraid of how she'd react to me being............. Excited.

She kissed me, moving a little closer, and I could feel myself getting excited. She pushed me back onto my back, and straddled me. There was no way she wouldn't know now. She had to feel it against her thigh.

She pulled away, looking down.

"What..........."

I bit my lip, nervous.

"That's my-"

"Oh. That's because of me?"

I didn't answer her, and I couldn't help but think she was happy, knowing the effect she had on me.

"Y...... Yeah. I'm sorry, Leilani. It's not exactly something I can help."

She leaned down, kissing me again, and sat up. I sat up, covering my lap with a pillow. She shook her head, pulling the pillow away.

"Don't worry about it. I like knowing you react like this to me. I know you may not like that, because of how you feel about that. But, to me, it shows you feel something for me, that way. Even if you didn't have that, I'd want to know. I know you're not exactly comfortable with all of this, but I couldn't help it."

She ran her hand through her long black hair, and I could see she was nervous from the look in her bright green eyes.

"I know, I just don't want you to have to deal with all of this. I want to be able to cuddle with you, and not have to worry about reacting like that."

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After being lectured on how much she cared (again), I went upstairs to have a shower (and relieve my....... Issue). 

I walked back out into my room, pulling on a shirt.

"Serena, what's that?"

I turned to see Leilani looking at me, she was looking down at my stomach, and I could tell she'd see the scar on my back. 

I sighed, and told her to come a little closer. She walked over to me, and sat on the bed next to me. 

"That happened last year, I was out with Mitch and on my way home I was..........."

I trailed off, and Leilani covered her mouth, looking upset.

"No..............."

I nodded, thinking about it.

"These two guys attacked me. I'm OK now, but I was left with that."

She asked me to turn around, and when I hesitated she sat back on the bed and crossed her arms. I knew she was just trying to understand, and lifted my shirt.

I felt her fingers trace it, and it............... Well, the skin is still quite sensitive, so it felt good.

I turned around, looking at her.

"This is another reason I was so scared. I don't want you to have to deal with all of this........."

She shook her head, and grabbed my hand.

"Serena, the only thing I'm concerned about is making sure that never happens to you again. And I didn't hurt you did I?"

I shook my head, running my hand through my hair.

"No, you didn't. It's an old scar, don't worry about it."

She nodded, and we spent the night talking. Well, she asked questions and I answered them.

It felt good, knowing someone accepted me for me, even if I couldn't figure out the reason why she did..............