Changes.............

2

It's been two weeks since Leilani arrived, and I'm really starting to like her. I was afraid to say anything, I didn't think she would want to be with someone like me. She never mentioned Daniel, or any of her cousins childhood friends. She talked about visiting him, and teasing him when she was younger, I remembered that. She used to beat the crap out of him. It was pretty funny actually. 

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"Hey, did you use this today?"

I looked at Leilani as I got my breakfast and she was pointing to the injections. I'd used it before she woke up, and it made me smile how she always reminded me to use them. They didn't help with the reactions she was causing though................ 

"Yes, I did. I used that before you woke up. Thank you, Leilani."

"Just trying to help."

I had to go to another appointment that day, and I thought about what Dr. Crowley said. He kept telling me to give her a chance, but every time he said it I told him it would never work. 

I just didn't believe she'd want to be with me.

"So, what're you doing today, Serena?"

"I have a few things to do. You're going to see Mitch, right?"

She nodded, and I told her I had to go and get ready. I ran upstairs, grabbing my hoodie and my keys before I said goodbye to her and left. 

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"So, how are things with Leilani?"

I looked at my therapist, Trent Crowley, and shook my head. He was always asking me this.

"The same as the last time I saw you."

"Relax, Serena. I'm just trying to help you understand that she could care for you the way you care for her."

That made me laugh.

"Yeah right, someone like her would never go for someone like me."

He sighed, running his hand through his short hair. 

"She might, you just have to take that risk. It's clear to me that you care fore her, Serena. Talk to her, get to know her, and see what happens."

I ran my hand through my short hair, and decided not to argue and just ignore what he said. But, as I left, I realized that I couldn't ignore it. I was afraid of what would happen but she was going to be staying for a while, so I might as well get to know her. 

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"Hey."

I smiled at Leilani as she walked in. She'd spent the day with her cousin and she seemed pretty happy about something. 

"Hey Serena, how was your day?"

She tied her long hair up, as she sat down next to me. I shrugged, thinking about that.

"OK, I got a few things done. What about you?"

"Nothing unusual. Being the crap out of Mitch again."

That made me laugh, and she told me about he was being an idiot and she hit him. 

"Try not murder him please."

"I'll try."

We started making dinner, and sat down at the table talking. She seemed to be pretty talkative and I barely got a word in as she talked about being a graphic designer. She looked pretty cute when she was interested in something. She had this look that she got when she talked about her job, or music. Good God, she loved music. She had a massive collection, and got annoyed with me when I said I didn't listen to much more than Paramore.

"But.................... Oh, I'm going to have to change that. I'm gonna show you what I have tomorrow."

I helped her clean up, and I went to bed thinking about her.

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"How is it possible for one person to have so much music?!"

Leilani laughed, when she showed me her laptop and my jaw dropped.

"I love music, Serena."

I looked up at her, realizing how close we were sitting, We were sitting on her bed, sitting next to each other.

"I know, I just-"

I was cut off by Leilani kissing me. I was to shocked to react, and she pulled away, blushing.

"I'm sorry, I just............... I really like you Serena. I'll understand if you don't feel the same way. I just had to tell you how I felt. I just...................."

She trailed off, looking all flustered, which looked adorable. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I needed to think about this.

"Stop. Leilani, just breathe.It's not that............... I just, I'm gay. I just......"

I decided to lie.

"I just don't feel that way for you. I'm sorry."

She looked a little upset and nodded.

"I understand, Serena. I shouldn't have kissed you like that."

"Hey, stop that. It's OK. Just relax."

She calmed down a bit and said she wanted to be by herself. I left her, after telling her not to worry.

I went to my room, sitting on my bed, and burying my face in my hands. Being that close to her was definitely not helping, and I hoped she wouldn't walk in, then she'd definitely see how different I was..............

I lied to her so she wouldn't be even more hurt in the long run. It was for the best in my opinion. But, why did I feel like this if it was best for everyone. Leilani seemed pretty upset, and I was sitting here freaking out. I wanted to walk back in there and tell her everything, but I couldn't do that. She'd see how much of a freak I really am and leave. Then, I'd never see her again. At least this way, she'd stay. Things would be awkward, but at least she'd be here.

I sighed, thinking about what I should do, and what I wanted.

What do I do?