I Don't Need Your Help; d.h

24: love nurtures, it doesnt hurt

PS: next chapter is the epilogue

24: love nurtures, it doesnt hurt,

Your P.O.V.

"Belle, I need answers."

"Please forgive me if I tell you." She said as her eyes turned glossy. You were now in your new, bare flat - boxes and suitcases and bags of junk and clothes and furniture scattered around your room. You had offered that Belle stayed with you, which she had accepted, on one condition. It didn't feel like home. You wanted back in that house down the street. You grew up in that house. It was home.

But now you had to adjust to this new place - your home.

"You're already in my flat, Belle. Please just hurry."

"(Y/N)..." Her shoulders slumped when she sighed. "I'll break you-"

"Stop beating around the bush, get on with it!"

"I want to beat around the bush, okay?!" Belle spread her fingers, her face getting a darker shade of red by the second. "I know you don't like people who (don't get straight to the point/hinder the truth from you), and I know I'm doing exactly just that, but (Y/N), if I go too fast, I'll have to watch you crumble right in front of my eyes. I don't want that, (Y/N)." She crossed her arms and looked down to your (carpeted/hardwood) floor. Her chapped blue nail polish distracted you from looking into her eyes.

"Belle..." You managed to croak out. Whatever road you were about to tread on, you had to be cautious. One wrong step, and the world might crumble into ash right in front of your eyes. "I know...I'm thankful you were here when Sage wasn't. I'm thankful for you. So please Belle, tell me the truth. Nothing can end our friendship right now but one single lie, you know that."

"It was a measly joke," she muttered under her breath, cheeks now stained with tears and eyes beginning to redden. "It wasn't supposed to really bring you down. Sage realized..."

"Go on," you ushered, taking a seat. She sat opposite to you on another couch. A new curiosity peaked in you, and it said that whatever you were about to discover mustn't be nice.

"...she realized that-that you were 'letting the fame get to your head.'" Quote and quote. "And so, she took it a little more seriously, and Sage asked me if I wanted to join."

"What? Join what?"

"(Y/N)." She looked deep into your eyes. Her green eyes shimmered with a glaze, her eyelashes now beginning to grow damp due to tears. "We...

We're SBM. We're Deactivate Probably (Y/N)."

A pang of hurt slapped you everywhere you couldn't imagine they'd be - head, chest, stomach, knees, until it gradually hit your whole body. Those notes. Those letters. The death threats. The cut on your wrist. The tears. The hate. The sleepless nights. All because of Belle and Sage. The two people you'd never imagine were SBM.

Then again, it was hidden. It between the lines.

S could equal to Sage. B could equal to Belle. What was M for?

That didn't matter right now. You looked at her face, remorseful and full of regret. Maybe seeing your face made her sob. Tears began to well at the brink of your eyes. Alexithymia filled your body, your stomach starting to drill a hole into itself as your shoulders shook with every movement there was. You couldn't bother to look at her. It was all too fast paced - just a week ago you were in the hotel, with the debacle called Toby.  All the hurt.

Because of a measly joke.

The urge to tackle her to the ground was strong. Your arms shook, the anger reverberating from your head to your organs. You started to hate Sage with a burning passion. You hated her with every fiber of your being. How could something so beautiful turn out to be so ugly? You wanted to slap Belle for joining her. For taking the joke too seriously. Even if she wanted to quit, she still was part of the crime. That was an indisputable fact, she still was a murderer of your being.

That's what you did.

As your palm came in contact with her face, you wanted so badly to turn your other hand into a fist and thrust it towards her chin. You wanted her to bleed. You wanted to see her suffer the way you did. A punch, a slap, a bullet, a fracture would've measured a miniscule to a fraction to the pain that struck you this whole month. Death wouldn't suffice to replace what part of you had eluded out of you the past month. What did they get out of this? Happiness? They were such masochists.

What hurt the most was that they were your best friends. They sent themselves hate mail just to sugarcoat the lie. They hated you from the start.

"I don't want you here." You choked on the lump in your throat, "I mean - I'm going out for a walk. I need to be alone. I'm...I'm going to be fine. Stay here."

"I'm sorry," she muttered as you walked past her and slammed the door shut. She wailed, and you felt another piece of you break whilst you let go of your brass doorknob.

The one that Sage didn't own.

Time skip: a month later

All ties had been cut.

By all, you meant all.

You stopped talking to Sage. Though she did make various efforts through indirects (@ChandelierSwinger tweeted: I didn't mean it, come home) and some videos about missing her friends, you did not dare utter a single word about her. No indirects, no retweets, no replies, none. You and Belle made it through on your own, without your help, and so you got over Sage Newton.

Unsurprisingly, the drama had spread to the YouTube community - dozens of the uprising YouTubers had been reacting to the news, even some known ones were talking about what had been going on. Fans were fighting, and more were subscribed to you now - more, as in 5 million.

Thus, you changed your uploading schedule - instead of Mondays and Fridays, videos were being given to the viewers everyday, which was a constant struggle for you, because you spend at least 5 hours editing one video and you upload two videos everyday. So basically, you turned into this workaholic nagger who's never get enough of coffee and food. Oftentimes, Belle would have to drag you out of the Editing Room (where you two have an iMac for editing videos and a couch and another PC for gaming) for proper daily meals. It was lamentable how volatile your life had become in such a short period of time.

You cut ties with other YouTube creators who were friends with Sage - last VidCon, you'd met Loisa Hardy, who was a kind, sweet girl, and a close friend of yours and Sage. You stopped talking to her because she took Sage's side. Thus, there were many friends lost, but the true ones remained and stood by you.
There was just one tie you had to cut.

It wasn't for no reason at all, no. It deemed valid to you. Hopefully, Daniel Howell did as well.

Without even mentioning it to the Phans and the Unknowns, they had begun to form a hypothesis that you two were dating, and thus accepted the action between both of you. Hate was low. You hardly saw any of that on your videos, and the recovery of the missing parts of you were now beginning to heal greater than before.

It's just that this part of you was a part of you that you were not ready to let go of.

But you had to. It was a mandate you weren't going to disobey.

Shaky, you typed the text.

(Y/N)
Meet me by Trafalgar Square, we have to talk.

oOOOOOooOOOOOOOOGHHHHHHHGH

OOOOHOHOHOHHHHH

Love you all!
Blue