Wicked Graces

Chapter Fifteen

The festivities following the announcement of a royal bun in the oven prompted a celebration that carried on in Starkhaven for well over a week. Hawke was used to being at the center of attention, but never for something others considered so positive. During his time on the throne, the usurper Goran Vael had no family to speak of but a barren wife who produced no heirs during his reign. It had been a dark time, predicting uncertainty and despair for the failing city-state, but Sebastian's return to rule had lifted many spirits. He brought promises of prosperity and peace again, and with a legitimate Vael heir on the way people knew hope for the first time in almost a decade.

It was still terrifying every time Hawke thought about the little life that would one day soon be entrusted to her care, almost as frightening as it was every time she realized she was responsible for the welfare and prosperity of a major portion of the Free Marches. But she and Sebastian would be fine, she supposed, making every effort to see right by their people and their child.

Varric had been right all along. Her husband was beside himself with worry over every action she took, refusing to let her do the most mundane of tasks and often insisting she rest far more than was actually necessary. It took a lot of convincing and a few medical tomes from the University of Orlais to ensure him having sex while pregnant would not actually hurt their unborn child, and thank the Maker for that because her hormones didn't feel like they were going to rein themselves in any time soon.

Of course, Varric didn't want to hear about any of that. It made her laugh until her she nearly cried every time he got so uncomfortable it made him swear. And then the tears nearly turned to a flood of sadness each time she realized he would be leaving her. She wouldn't have the counsel and comfort of her dearest friend as readily as she had it during some of the most difficult and trying times of her life.

He would be leaving in the morning to head back to Kirkwall, where he would depart with Isabela and Alistair on some fool's errand in Antiva that filled her with dread every time she thought of it.

Her dearest friend so far away, exposing himself to danger when she wasn't there to watch his back...

Varric had always been there. Well, not always, but the times when he wasn't a part of her life were so distant she barely even remembered them at all. She foolishly let herself believe there were things she might say to convince him to stay in Starkhaven, but over the course of the week leading up to his departure, Hawke found it harder and harder to find words she might use to persuade him to stay. It wasn't fair to expect him to stay simply because she asked him to; he would, and he would be miserable. She could never ask him.

"It's going to be weird, you know." Stiffening her shoulders as she pulled in a breath, she stared down at the city below from the balcony they shared. "I never thought a time would come we wouldn't be together for more than a few days, and yet here we are, about to embark on exciting new adventures alone."

"Not alone, Hawke." Varric lowered a hand beside hers on the balustrade, the edge of his gloved pinky gliding along her finger as he followed her gaze into the city. She stretched her hand to loop their pinkies, squeezing tight in a childish gesture she'd once made with friends she could scarcely even remember the names of in the back allies and fields of a land more distant than her memories of it. The colorful banners of celebration still wavered in the slow breeze, the sound of happiness and promise drifting up to tease their ears. "You'll have Sebastian, and I'll have Bianca. And we'll always be together in some way, right?"

"Always, Varric." Her throat ached with emotion, and the more she tried to swallow against it, the harder it was to resist.

"We'll be all right." He sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than her. She squeezed their pinkies a little tighter, not wanting to let go. "I'll be back before the baby comes."