Letters To No One

Letter #10: Dreams and Life

I've been having these dreams lately where I'm missing things. In the most recent one it was Christmas time, but we hadn't celebrated Thanksgiving, come to think of it at the beginning of the dream it had been summer.
At first I thought these were just messed up dreams having to do with my excitement over break, but now I'm not so sure.
Now I'm starting to think they have to do with my subconscious fear of missing out on life. To tell the truth I'm scared. In less than two years I'll be off to college and I still have no idea if I know what I want to do with my life. Two years left of being a kid, of being a rebellious teenager, of figuring out who I am. But I haven't done any of that stuff. I sit alone in my room with the lights off most days. If I'm not in my room I'm down on the tracks all alone looking for something that can make that day different from the rest.
I remember sitting in the back of the class during honors chem this year as one of the freshman sat beside me gossiping to her friend. They had snuck out the night before to go meet guys and get drunk. They had gotten caught and punished of course, but that's not my point. My point is, it got me to thinking, and I have never taken a risk like that. My time is dwindling and I've never taken a chance, I've never snuck out, or hooked up with someone. The most interesting thing I've ever done was with a few of my friends in Florida (story to come in a later letter) and even then I was just dipping my toes in the pool of rebellion. Once I had gotten a taste of it though I wanted more. But I couldn't get any.
But life is not just about rebellion. It's about taking advantage of every new day and of the rush you get from doing something different. So in the little time you have left in being a kid, or a young adult, or even in the time left you have in life take a risk, break some rules, go get drunk, go party, and make friends. Go live life the way you want to and not how someone else is telling you to because there will come a time when you start to think that your life is going by too fast, and when that time comes do you want to regret not doing anything? Or do you want to laugh and say what the hell, I've lived?