There is this little cement ball in my stomach. Each day it develops in mass and each day it becomes harder and harder to deal with. Lately I find myself unable to think about much else aside from this ball.
As I type this the tears roll off my cheeks and splash like little raindrops on my keyboard reminding me that this ball is forming for this exact reason. Because I find myself doing nothing but crying all the time. I can't control the pain any more, it feeds the cement ball like the ocean feeds a hurricane. I'm so tired. So tired.
I fear for my life. I fear that one day this ball will swallow me up and I won't be able to do a thing about it.
I don't think I'm suicidal but I also don't think I want to live. I'm an inbetweener I just want the world to swallow me up. I want to lie down and sleep forever my heart beating at a constant pace not feeling anything but peace at last.
Perhaps someday I will know peace. I'm just so tired. So very tired.
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Letters To No One
SachbücherA collection of letters I've written that will never be claimed and never leave the safety of my journal.
