Years, Life

Years||11 years old (1/2)

**Trigger warning- depression, suicidal, anorexia, child abuse**

Dear Phil,
It's been a year now, and I still think about you every day. I will find you as soon as I'm old enough to fend for myself. I love you so much Phil, please never forget that. Things are getting bad for me, my mum screams at me every day, and thinking about how one day we will be together again is the only thing that keeps me going. I have to go to hospital for therapy now, because apparently I'm depressed. I will keep trying though, Phil... I'm not giving up yet...
Your boyfriend,
Dan
Xx

Dear Dan,
I miss you so much, it feels like more than a year. I still cry myself to sleep every night because it's so unfair and I love you so much. My dad hits me since he found out I was gay, and my mum doesn't do anything to stop him. I can't promise that I will still be here when you come back for me. I am trying so hard Dan, but I don't want to live without you. If I can't live with you then I don't want to live.
I love you,
Phil,
Xx

Dear Phil,
Please don't talk like that, because if you died then I would have no reason to live, you are the only thing I live for. Try to keep going Phil, promise me you will. I love you too much to let you go and never see you again. At least let me see you one more time. Remember when we were at our first sleepover, and we made up that story about the handsome prince? That ended happily ever after, and our story will too. I promise.
Yours always,
Dan,
Xx

Dear Dan,
It's so unfair. All I want is to be with you! They all say we're too young to know what true love is, but I don't believe it. You're my soulmate, Dan, and without you I'd have nothing. I love you so so much. I've stopped trying in school, because it's no fun without you there. I'm trying to stay strong Danny, but it still hurts. Why don't they want us to be happy?
Yours forever,
Phil,
Xx

Dear Phil,
I know it hurts, it hurts more than anything in the world. I am writing this from the hospital, I got taken in yesterday, I collapsed. Turns out you can't go three weeks without eating and come out okay. I might not be able to reply until I come out now, because I have to go into rehab for this thing called 'anorexia'. I don't know. But I need you to promise me, Philly. Promise me you'll hold on...
Your love,
Dan,
Xx

Dear Dan,
I'm sorry. I can't promise that I will hold on. I'm also writing to you from a hospital. I tried to kill my self, Dan, because I can't live without you. And when I get out, I'll try again. I'm sorry Dan, but I'm done.
I'm sorry,
Phil,
Xx