Love Me Harder

chapter 2

*a month later*

I was packing my things because we were about to hit our next tour soon and that meant I would see Dinah and the girls . a month ago , I told Dinah . I never told her about the hate fan page about me or that I am in love with her . she's been keeping a close eye on me . the girls have texted me non stop ever since we went back to our families for a little . I had to admit that i missed them incredibly .

my mom helped me out as best as she could . I just barely saw her because she was working . she's a nurse at Dawson's Health Clinic . it paid a decent amount of money and as long as it paid the bills , that's all that matters .

"mani , come down here . you have visitors ." my mom screamed from downstairs .

I zipped up my suitcase before running downstairs . when I saw the visitors , I instantly ran towards them crying . it was my sisters , Arielle and Ashlee  . I haven't seen them since dad left and they went off to go traveling the world together .

"mani , what's up ? there's something different about you and I don't like it ." Arielle commented , once they pull away .

"I'm sure mom will fill you up on that ."

"ma , you got some explaining to do . why does our little sister seem different from the last time we saw her ?"

"for now , spend time with her . she missed you two and she's leaving soon for another tour ."

"girl , we barely see you anymore because of the touring ." Ashlee said , smiling .

"you barely see me in general ."

"don't get smart . how have you been ? do you have a girlfriend yet ?"

"ash ." I whined .

I told them about my crush on Dinah . they were so happy to hear about it because they thought Dinah was beautiful . they gave me a talk on how she better not break my heart . it felt good to know that my family was happy for me . knowing that they support me makes me feel good because other people's parents wouldn't accept their child .

"is Dinah your girlfriend or not ?"

"no , she's dating someone else ."

"oh mani ."

"it's okay . I'm dating her cousin , masi ."

"don't tell me that you're dating a guy ." Arielle told me with a slight attitude .

"he's just a cover up . I don't want everyone knowing that I'm gay ."

"mani , that's not right . you can't just lie ."

"Elle , you don't know what I go through with our fans . have you ever gone through Twitter and saw a hate fan page about me ?"

"no , why ?"

"I don't want to talk about this . mom , get me when it's time for the airport ."

I walked away and they started bombarding our mom with questions . when I got back into my room , I plugged my phone up to the charger and saw some notifications from the girls .

AllyCat💙 : mani , please text me back . I'm worried about you . I will drive all the way to your house just to make sure you're okay .

Mila💕 : why don't you talk to me ? I just want us to be like we used to be . why are you becoming more and more distant on us ?

LoLo❣: I want a response from you because for this past month , you have done nothing but read my texts . I want to know what's up .

Princess💘 : Normani Kordei Hamilton , why will you not text me back ?! it's been a month since you told me about what was happening and now I get no response . I talked to the girls and they seem pretty upset that you aren't texting them back either . you better text or call before I beat your ass up .

I put all of them in a group chat and texted them that I was okay . they replied seconds later . we kept talking until Dinah decided she wanted to FaceTime all of us . she still looked beautiful even without makeup on . all of them did . it's been awhile since I saw their face so I was happy Dinah FaceTimed us .

"mani , dinners ready ." Arielle and Ashlee yelled , as they flopped onto my bed .

when they saw the girls , they smiled and waved .

"so is this the rest of fifth harmony ?" Ashlee asked .

"yeah , this is them . guys , meet my sisters Ashlee and Arielle ."

the girls waved and smiled . Lauren had asked which one was which so I told her Arielle is the one in the middle . they all let out a simultaneous 'ah' . I ended the a few minutes later because I needed to go eat and apparently so did the others .

"they're beautiful ." Arielle said , as we headed downstairs .

"yeah , they're great ."

"so mom told us that you've been cutting . is that why you are wearing the bracelets we gave you ?"

"yeah , they cover up the scars ."

"mani , you shouldn't do that to yourself . I don't want you to end up in the hospital or bleeding out ."

"I haven't done it in awhile so you don't have to worry ."

"but we are because we're your sisters . just because you haven't done it in awhile doesn't mean you aren't going to do it again . we know you will because we were in that position before . we were bullied in school . ash was the one that could've died because she was cutting too close to her vein . if I didn't catch her in time , she would've died . the guy she liked crushed her heart after he led her on to what she thought would be a relationship . he ended up having sex with another girl right in front of her when she went over to his house . with me , I got anonymous notes in my locker . they told me that I was ugly , no one would love me , I was too skinny . anything . I felt insecure about my body and I resorted to cutting because that made me feel good on the inside . it helped take away the pain but mani , I don't want you to ruin your life . there are so many girls out there that will love you when Dinah doesn't . we'll get through this together ."

after arielle said that , I broke down . I never knew that my sisters cut theirselves . everyone loved them but I guess they didn't want to talk about it . I wouldn't either but knowing that I could've lost Ashlee , makes my stomach twist . I don't want to die if I end up cutting too deep .

then again , who would notice ? I know my family will but will the girls ? if I didn't show up to the airport , would they actually blow my phone up or come to my house ? would they care about losing me ? no , they wouldn't . they are just pretending to care for you just to make you feel better . they are just trying to be nice and pretend that you are important .