Love Me Harder

chapter 7

I've been cooped up in this house without a phone because he didn't trust me . I had no way to contact anyone . he took everything from me . my laptop , my iPad , my phone , hell even my tv . I couldn't even leave my room because he locked me in . I was on lock down . the only time I would be able to come out was when he came home and I had to make him food .

what kind of person locks their wife in the room with nothing to do because they don't trust them ? he didn't have to take away everything from my room just in case I was talking to someone . like what the hell , you're telling me to respect you but you go and do this shit . I just wished they would hurry up with the plan . I'm getting tired of doing nothing here . shit , I'm hungry and this bitch won't let me eat .

over here telling me that I need to go on a diet and that I'm fat . like bitch , I'm thick not fat . get your facts right . my stomach has been grumbling and I just wanted food . I curl up into a fetal position against the wall near my bathroom . I feel like Fiona , stuck in that high tower with no prince to save her . how could she stand being in that tower for so long ?

I wanted to see mani . I wanted to see my girls . I wanted this to be over . I didn't want to be with nela anymore . it's been months since I last saw them . I bet they've been blowing up m phone . nela would've been mad though . I would've gotten beat . maybe it's because my phones dead . if he did buy a charger then he would be able to get in my phone considering he knows my password . he told me when we first got together , he must know my password . I didn't even get his password and his ass probably be cheating on me .

I wouldn't be surprised because when we were dating , he would stare at women pass by and end up licking his lips . I was disgusted but said nothing because he would've hurt me . I sat there and watched him check out other girls . they weren't even beautiful . Normani was beautiful and no one could compare . she was perfect in my eyes and even though I never admitted it , I fell in love with her . she was someone that constantly hurt herself because she loved me or the hate comments .

I wished I could've stopped her but every time I got there , it was already too late . she would already have the cuts there . I'm surprised she didn't lose too much blood from it . I wished I could've held her in my arms and tell her all the things she needed to hear . to tell her that I loved her and that she was beautiful . that she mattered . that I love her even with all the scars and depression . I wanted to help her as much as I could but I couldn't . after we broke up , I couldn't see or text her every day . nela prevented me from doing that .

I would be incredibly happy if I got with Normani because I would make up for the time we've lost not being together . I want to love her until death do us part . I want her to know that I will never stop loving her and that I will always be there for her . I wouldn't have my attention on any other girl because she was the one that held my heart . one day , I'm going to have Normani Kordei Hamilton in my arms and I will never let her go .

when she doubts herself , I will be there telling her that she is beautiful no matter what or whatever she's nervous about . I would make her feel special if we had sex . it wouldn't be sex because I would be making love to her . she's not going to be a one time thing for me . I want to make love to her every single day . I wouldn't know how though . she'd be my first time and I don't know what I would do . maybe I'll be in the moment that I do what feels natural to me .

I hope that I'll be amazing enough for her because if it's the worst then I wouldn't be able to look at her anymore . I would be embarrassed that I hurt her with my fingers . maybe I would be too rough for her . ugh ! what if she doesn't love me anymore ? I mean who would love such a freak ? I'm different from other girls and I was teased about it .

oh Normani , I just wish I had you in my arms . all my worries would go away . all my nightmares with turn into good dreams . I would fall in love with you every single day that passes . I would be a hopeless romantic . I would ask you to marry me when it got serious . I would show you off to the world and even if half of them don't like you , I wouldn't care because to me , you are the only one that matters .

I want to be out of this hellhole . I've stuck with him for 11 years . ever since I audition for X factor , he asked me out and I said yes . I didn't know what I was getting into . who knew that a sweet guy turned into a monster after a while . it scared me but I couldn't do anything about it . I couldn't hang out with guy without fearing they might hurt me . he makes me feel insecure about myself . I can't even wear a tank top with shorts without him criticizing me . always telling me that I'm fat or that he doesn't want to see a bunch of skin . he forced me to wear a one piece swim suit because he thought the bikini showed too much fat and skin . so I'm over here looking like an idiot with the one piece . I heard people laugh at me and he laughed with them .

he was a complete jackass and I can't believe I said yes to his ass . if I ever get out , I hope karma bites him in the ass . his face irritates me enough and with the insults , I'm so close to punch him in the face . he's the reason I can't embrace my own body without having insults thrown at me about my body . I was born with this body . I can't help how I turn out . I wish his mama taught him right because this isn't right . keeping your wife on lockdown while you at work probably doing everyone there . I hope you get syphilis .