Heathens

Save me

So I decided to write an idea to a Tøp song you can hear while reading each chapter.
Save -No phun intended

This chapter does mention self harm. If you're easily triggered please don't read it

"Tyler" I heard Josh voice. "Tyler what are you doing?" I continued. "Tyler?" He began to sound more desperate. Scared. "Tyler?" He became quiet.
I saw his lifeless body fall to the floor.

I wake up. All covered in tears. I saw it all. How I murdered Josh.
I'm a murder. I... I killed him... My best friend. I saw it. I saw everything.
"Nightmare again?" I can hear Jack on the other side of the wall.
"Yeah" I answer. I won't tell him it wasn't just a nightmare.
Jack stay quiet. He's probably asleep again. It's only around 4am.
I find some paper and a pen and begin to write. Write song lyrics. I haven't done that in some time. The emotions would take over. But right now I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore.
I'll stay awake the rest of the night, using all my time on writing lyrics.
I would just wish that Josh could hear it.

"You have to eat something" Jack is nearly forcing me to eat.
"Go away" I just say. "Come o..."
"Go away I said... Leave me alone" I raise my voice. He finally leaves.
Right before breakfast ends I take the little knife with me.

In the night I can't sleep. My depression is getting worse for every day. I can't take it anymore. I need something to escape from my thoughts. Even though it's just a minute.
I find the knife I took at lunch.
It's been years. Many years. Last time I did it was before I met Josh. The scars is nearly invisible by now.
I roll up my sleeves. I can feel the cold knife on my skin. But it's not a strong knife.
I can feel the pain. But it ain't worse than the pain from my thoughts.
I throw away the knife and break down.
I can't live like this anymore. Not even a day. But I have to. There's no possible way to end it.
"Save me" I whisper. "SAFE ME!" I scream. I can't help it. The tears is running down my face.

The next day I do my best to cover my arms. Nobody notice anything. Nobody. But the guards is beginning to keep an eye on me.
"Joseph has been painting a lot" a guards say. "The same boy. Every time." I look behind me. There is a lot of painting of Josh.
"But that's not the only thing" the other guard say. "He's more skinny than when he arrived." That's true. But it do worry me that they noticed. "Does he eat?" No.
"I haven't noticed" oh no.
"Be sure he does eat something. And that he's okay" great. Now I have to eat something. But... Do they care about me? Probably not.
I quickly pretend like I didn't hear anything when one of the guards did walk down to my cell.
"Joseph" he says. I slowly turn around to look at him.
"What?" I do my best to show no emotion.
"I want to inform you that... We decided to give you a privilege" what does he mean with that?
"We decided to give you something." Wait... Why?
"Is there anything you need?" I wasn't prepared on this.
"No... Or... Wait... A piano?" I know it's much. But... There's literally nothing else I want... Except of Josh. And they can't bring him back.
"You can't play piano in prison. It would disturb everyone else" he says.
"Headphones" I mumble.
"But I will try" he walks away.
I whisper to Jack "What did just happen?"
"Everyone may have one thing." He answers.
But I'm not sure anything is gonna help.  I'm not sure it's gonna save me.

This chapter didn't turn out as planned. I'm sorry.
And also sorry for not updating in a week but I did not have any wifi.