Don't Let Me Disappear.

I Need Help...

Edit: June, 2018

Damn, this is cringy. I've moved on, by the way! Haha. The only reason I won't go ahead and delete this part is because of how grateful I am for the people that commented to try and help me out during this crappy time period. I still appreciate you guys, thanks! <3 

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...This is going to be a pause in the story...I'm sorry but as I said in the beginning when I feel really bad I'll write about it...so..yeah...

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Have you ever loved someone to the point of no return? You feel the connection your heart flutters every time you see them...

I was dating someone like that recently. We dated for I'd say 5 to 6, maybe 7 months. Then one day she told me she didn't love me anymore.

That I did nothing wrong, she just didn't love me.

Now don't get me wrong, I was broken for the first month, sobbing, even slightly suicidal. Now, I'm not as bad, and I even have a new girlfriend but..

I love her. I've known her for a while...I've known both my current girlfriend and ex for a while...I thought my current would help me forget, for now I love her too...

But despite my love to my current girlfriend, I'm desperate for my ex's attention. Anytime I see her I try to get her attention in any way I can and it mostly ends in the group getting annoyed or her rejection...

I...I wish she loved me still...I miss her and I feel bad for the one I'm dating now...she deserves so much better...

But now I think the one I dated first doesn't even like me much as a friend anymore...we used to be so close even before dating...now she tries not to answer or avoid me sometimes...when we're with the group it isn't so bad but...I know...I shouldn't be wanting her to pay attention to me, she got a new girlfriend soon after we broke up, she doesn't regret leaving me...

So I'm sitting here in my bed at 3:30 am, my chest hurts and throats swollen, sobbing, writing this in the dark in a blind hope that it will make me feel human again not just an empty shell of who I once knew...

I need help...

Love is a wonderful thing but it hurts so much..

It's over, she's moved on...

Now it's my turn but...

...how?...