I'm not fine at all

You can't tell anyone

I sat up in shock realising what Michael was referring to. "Michael.. get out.. get out now." I said in a calm low voice.

"Luke I am not leaving until you give a explanation. Luke please" He said pleadingly. 

"Michael. Leave."

"fine. if you're not going to tell me why the hell you did something like this i'm just going to have to get ash and cal." Fuck. 

"n-no! Michael p-please.. I don't want you guys to worry... its really not a big deal.." I stuttered  

"YES IT IS LUKE!! YOU'RE HURTING YOURSELF! I WANT TO KKNOW WHY AND I WANT TO KNOW NOW!!!"  He yelled.. you could tell her was getting mad.

"Fine. I cut because it feels good." I tell him.

"LUKE! HOW DOES IT FEEL GOOD YOU'RE CUTTING YOURSELF!!" 

"Well.. I deserve pain" I muttered under my breath but he managed to hear me. 

"no you don't lukey!! who gave you that idea?" he wasn't mad anymore just really concerned and worried.

"The fans... the voice" I whispered pathetically.

"Luke.. what voice.."

"THE VOICE IN MY HEAD IT TELLS ME I DON'T DESERVE YOU GUYS OR THE FANS. IT TELLS ME I'M UGLY AND FAT AND DISGUSTING AND THAT I SHOULD JUMP OFF A BRIDGE" I yelled then I burst into tears.

"luke.. come on lets go get ashton.." He said quietly.

"N-n-no M-michael.. He can't k-know" I managed to say in between sobs

"Come on Luke, Ashton knows how to deal with this stuff.. Hes better at me with this.."

"No! Michael you can't tell anyone"

"Well I have to!"

"Michael! You have to promise you won't tell anyone"

Michael sighed.. "Luke... Come on mate you know I have to.. I can't keep this to myself.. You need help!"

"I'll stop!!! I promise i'll stop and i-if I do it again you can tell someone.."

"Luke.. I don't know.."

"Michael!! please!!  Trust me!"

"Argggh.. Fine. But if you do it again i'm telling them and you can't stop me.."

I jumped up to hug Michael

"Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!"

He gave me a slight smile

"Luke give me your.. uh whatever you use to.. um you know.. do this"

"W-what n-no" I stammered 

"Luke it wasn't a request. It was a demand.. besides you won't need them anyway"

I sighed

"fine." 

I couldn't actually give them all to him could I? no of course not.. I would give him some, pretend that was all I had. I would pretend I was happy. I would cut on my thighs instead of my wrist and everything will be ok. He wouldn't worry about me and he wouldn't tell calum or Ashton. I'm glad it was Michael the one that caught me actually. I mean if it was Ashton or Calum they would be so mad at me and they wouldn't trust me again.. They wouldn't let it go this easily. But michael.. He.. well he was nice not that the others weren't but michael wasn't strict...

I grabbed 2  of my blades and handed them to Michael 

"is this all of them Luke?" He asked

"Yep all of them!" I smiled.. God I was such a bad liar.. He wasn't going to believe me..

But he did.

He smiled back.

"good boy luke.. now if you ever feel like doing this again... come talk to me.. Promise?"

"Promise" I said

"good.. now you should probably go to sleep.. its very late.. well early.. goodnight luke." and he walked out of my room into his own.

"goodnight" I whispered even though I know he couldn't hear me.

And eventually I fell asleep .