Chapter 14
Nadine took a deep breath in, preparing herself. She knew that the girls had a right to know everything but she also felt that it wasn't her place to tell them.
"I found out a year ago" she began "at a charity event in New York, Cheryl had only just found out about the diagnosis herself and was using the event as a cover up for the real reason she was there".
Sarah was listening intently, knowing that she wanted to know everything before she decided how she felt. Nicola though, felt betrayed that Nadine was again able to keep something so big from them.
Realising the girls weren't going to say anything yet, Nadine continued her explanation.
"After I found out she didn't let me do much, it wasn't until your engagement party..." the Irish girl paused, gesturing towards Nicola "...when she actually started to receive her treatment out in California that I really got involved".
"Why didn't you tell us though?" Nicola interrupted.
"It wasn't my place Nic" Nadine responded quietly. She knew that keeping this secret for Cheryl really couldn't have been helped on her part, but that didn't stop her feeling guilt about the other girls being kept in the dark.
"I wanted to tell you guys, I really did" Nadine said, beginning to feel frustrated by this entire situation. " I tried so hard to convince Cheryl tell because I knew it wasn't my place to, I just wanted to come and see everybody, and then when Kimberley had the baby I just..." She drifted off.
"I think I understand" Sarah told the younger girl, rubbing her hands up and down her back in an attempt to show her support. "You were put in an awkward position and we're not blaming you...".
"... Are we Nicola" Sarah said, turning to the ginger girl.
"No" she said quietly, "we're not, I guess I'm just trying to take this all in, I'm trying to understand why she couldn't come to me... or to Kimberley, God, she must be feeling so distraught right now-".
The Scouse girl's sentence was interrupted by the sudden sound of the door to the room they were in being slammed open. From behind the door entered a slightly flustered looking Charlie, while Jason and Mark could be seen with very similar expressions just outside the doorway.
"What's the matter?" Nicola asked, a little startled by the look on her fiancé's face.
"Tre told us, to come and get you" he said, turning around to spot Nadine, "she's having a panic attack and he said you would know what to do".
Before another word could be said Nadine was on her feet and was headed out of the room. Many a time had she found herself in this situation. Cheryl was able to put on a strong face for more than majority of the time, and for a long time Nadine was quite impressed with how well the older girl was handling the entire situation. It wasn't until the prospect of actually telling other people began to enter their conversations that Nadine saw the Geordies' resolve falter.
She realised that Cheryl was only coping because she was able to remain in her own little bubble, her own little comfort zone. It's where she felt safe and she wanted everything outside it to stay the same. People knowing would change that, it would make things real.
Many a time Nadine had tried to convince her friend that it would be okay, that everyone would be more than supportive. But it just caused the older girl to worry. Nadine knew how hard it was for Cheryl to trust people in her everyday life, and knew how hard it must have been for Cheryl to allow herself to be apart of her bubble, so she stopped pushing Cheryl because it wasn't her decision to make. She'd promised she'd be there to support her, so that's exactly what she continued to do.
"Cheryl!" She shouted, running through the penthouse until she spotted the girl seated on a bench with Tre beside her who was still attempting to comfort his girl.
"She's not calming down" he stated worriedly "I've never seen her as bad as this before!".
"Cheryl" Nadine said again, more softly this time while going to take a seat on the other side of the Geordie. She sat quiet for a moment, analysing Cheryl's current state. Her breathing was extremely rapid and shallow, her eyes were drooping closed and her fingers were clenched tightly.
"Cheryl are your hands tingling?" The Irish girl asked while placing her hands onto her friend's clenched ones, she nodded slowly in response.
"Okay chez, I need you to slow your breathing right down, nice deep breaths, like we'e done before, remember?", the Geordie slowly nodded again.
Sarah and Nicola stood back, feeling half shocked at the state of their friend but half mesmerised of how the other girl spurred so quickly into action.
In the minutes following Cheryl had managed to slow her breathing to a state where she could now make out simple sentences.
"I'm sorry" she breathed out heavily, looking up at Sarah and Nicola, "I was so scared".
"It's okay" Nicola soothed "we just want you to be okay, we can talk about everything else later".
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It was later decided that Cheryl should be checked out by a doctor, to make sure things were one-hundred percent alright. The girls insisted that Sarah head home too, being that this was supposed to be her party and they all couldn't help but feel slightly guilty about how it had ended.
So this left both Nadine and Nicola behind, along with both their partners, to help tidy up the venue before they left.
Jason and Charlie had both busied themselves out on the balcony, while the girls remained inside.
"Have you managed to get hold of kimberley?" Nadine asked, trying to break the silence that had crept up on them.
"She text me back" Nicola responded after a few moments "she said she just needed some time, I guess she wanted to process everything before she might say something that she regrets", she finished, now giving the Irish girl a look filled with guilt.
"I'm sorry for how I first reacted, shouting at you like that" the ginger said sadly, "it was just so much to get my head around".
Nadine stopped what she was doing and walked over to the younger girl, sighing aloud.
"I get it, there's so much to deal with at once … but I have to ask, how did you know I knew something?"
"Charlie saw the two of you last week" Nicola said with a smile "coming out of the oncology ward at the hospital, I just thought it was suss that you had seen her when I didn't even know she was in the country, the thought that it could be due to something as big as all this never even crossed my mind".
There was a long silence after that, both girls knowing that they were now beginning to reach a level of understanding.
"I still have so many questions…" Nicola stated, more to herself than to Nadine.
"It's Cheryl's place, to explain everything" nadine said, responding anyway.
"I still have some damage control of my own to do…" nadine thought aloud to herself.
"What do you mean?" She was asked.
"Jason knew nothing about any of this", Nadine told the younger girl.
She new that though it was Cheryl's place to solve things with the other girls, it was her place to solve things with her boyfriend. She only hoped that he remained as patient and as understanding as he had been, this entire time.
