Broken

Chapter 20

"You... You what?" I whispered, my voice barely audible as my heart sped up. What the hell was that? How had we gone from talking about our -well my- fucked up childhoods to him announcing his love for me?

His eyes widened slightly. "Fuck, did I say that out loud?"

I shifted backwards slightly, my heart still beating quickly. He... He what? "Harry," I said, my voice hushed. "What the hell?"

He grimaced, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. Fuck."

"A-are you going to talk about it?" I asked, hoping he would.

"I'd rather just go to sleep." He grumbled. "Please?"

He glanced at me warily, not meeting my eyes. "Alright," I breathed out. "Do... Do you want me to leave? Because I could, like... Go back to my dorm," I finished weakly, watching him get up.

"No. Are you sure you don't want to sleep on my bed?" He asked, already laying on his bed.

"I don't..." I trailed off, he had turned his back to me already. I sighed and lay down, flicking off the light. I stayed awake for quite a while, thousands of thoughts whirring through my head.

~*~

"Hi, daddy," I smiled cautiously at my dad. He was sat in front of the T.V, his eyes not leaving the screen as I sat next to him.

I assessed his mood, wondering if he was in an okay mood... No such luck.
"What do you want?" He asked roughly, turning to look at me.

"I just... I said hello," I said, moving back slightly.

"You have no right to speak to me," he spat, and it was then that I saw his red eyes.

"I-I'm sorry, daddy."

"Sorry won't bring back your mother now, will it? You worthless piece of shit. I wish, oh how I wish," he chuckled darkly, "that it had been you that had died, not her. I wish you had died, it would've been less of a burden. I would've had my beautiful wife back."

"I'm sorry," I said, on the verge of tears. I was regretting coming downstairs.

"You don't even look like her," he muttered. "You don't look like me either."

He edged forward until we were face to face. "You look like a fat, ugly boy. Not even a girl, a boy! You're manlier than your brother, does that make you proud? Does it make you proud that you killed your mother and that you look like a boy?!"

He leaned forward and yanked a piece of my hair, pulling my head to the side. "Answer me when I speak to you. Does it make you... Proud?! Does it make you happy?!"

No!, I screamed internally. However, I couldn't find the strength to open my mouth and talk. So I stayed quiet. He stared at me, pure hatred in his eyes. He pulled on my hair again and I whimpered.

"Speak!" He ordered, and I could hear my brother shuffling around, probably watching from the doorway.

"That's it," he said, and he undid his belt buckle. "You want to look like a boy? Why not act like one too?" He raised the belt over his head, ready to bring it down onto me.

...

"No! Please don't!" I spluttered.

I gasped slightly and sat up, breathing heavily. I glanced around, not sure where I was. I remembered I was in Harry's dorm; I wasn't near my pathetic excuse of a father. I noticed I was on Harry's bed, he must've moved me up whilst I was sleeping. I glanced at his body, he was sleeping on the floor, on the temporary bed he had made.

As I shifted slightly, I realised I felt slightly sick. I hadn't had that dream - or a dream like that - in years... I thought back to that day, how he had hit me with his belt again and again. How he hadn't let me go to school for a week because he knew they'd see the bruises and marks on my body. That was the thing, he hated me but he knew if people saw my pain my anguish would stop. It didn't, of course, it just got slightly better. I felt a sticky feeling in my throat at stood up quickly, stumbling over Harry's body sprawled out on the floor and into his bathroom. 

I didn't bother looking in the mirror as I dropped to my knees and threw up into the toilet. I started crying again, because oh my god my life was so fucked up. I was broken, I really was. I moved my hair behind me, trying desperately not to wake Harry up.

Unsuccessful. His hands replaced mine, and I coughed into the toilet as he held my hair back and rubbed my back with one hand. "Shh," he soothed. "It's alright. It was just a dream, Brenna. You'll be okay. It's alright, you're fine. Calm down, shh."

I finished, and I flushed the toilet quickly, breathing out and sitting down. "I need to clean up," I said weakly, and Harry nodded.

He walked over to the door and stopped, seeming unsure of himself. "I'll... I'll wait outside, yeah?"

I didn't have a toothbrush, so I brushed my mouth with my finger (after I washed my hands, of course.). I gurgled some mouth wash and I washed my face, too tired to care that Harry had seen me throw up.

I walked back into Harry's dorm and saw him sat in his bed. "Hi."

I nodded at him, and looked at the floor expectantly. "Sorry," he breathed, sitting on his makeshift bed.

I sat in his bed and stayed quiet for a bit. "What were you, um. Dreaming of?" He asked awkwardly.

"The first time my dad beat me," I said softly. "I haven't had a dream like that since I first entered the foster home."

"Oh, Brenna..."

"Don't make me talk about it."

"I won't if you don't want to," he said.

"Thank you."

"It's alright; I owe you. You didn't make me talk about what I said."

"No. Thank you... For um, y'know. Not throwing up when you saw me throw up."

"Anytime,"' he laughed, laying back down.

We lay in silence for about five minutes or so. "Harry?" I asked, my voice barely audible, unsure if he was awake.

"Yes, Brenna?" He asked.

"Can you..." I didn't know how to phrase it without soung weird, whiney or pathetic. Or weird. "Cuddle with me?"

"Can I what?" He asked.

"Nothing," I blushed, turning my back to him. "It's stupid."

I cringed again, and squeezed my eyes shut. You know that feeling you get when you're embarrassed? That was all I was feeling. However, I felt the bed dip and I was extremely confused when Harry's arm lay across my hip, his chin on my head. It was extremely wrong, especially with the fact that I had painted him with the image of being a filthy manwhore who used girls. I didn't think of any of that as I closed my eyes and fell asleep. We fell asleep in that position.

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A/N; I AM ON HOLIDAY WITH NO WIFI I AM WRITING THI SON  ,MY PHONE AND ITS SO  HARD I HAVE CRAPPY WIFI AT THE CAFE IM AT HERE YOU ALL GO ENJOY IT 

I AM writing another fic which is inspired by this holiday ive taken SO THE FIRST CHAPTER'LL BE UP SOON WOOO ID APPRECIATE IF YOU ALL READ IT :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

xoxo