Sohni Kuddi Namkeen Badi

Chapter 20

Sohni Kuddi

Alia and Shan saw me panic and made me sit on a near by bench. "Di, Di, Are you okay? " Alia asked concerned. I was too shocked to reply. " Kyra, Veerji is doing fine trust me. " Shan said to calm me down. I nodded not paying much attention to their words. This was my fault. My whole fault. I shouldn't have left him alone after that incident. What would he be thinking? Where was he going? May be he was angry on me while driving and this happened. Ohh.. I feel so guilty. Mom is here because of me and now Kian too. What should I do? Will he be alright?

A lady came rushing which brought me back to present. " Where is Kian? And how is he? " She asked Shan in her panicked tone. " He's fine Mumma, I just talked to the nurse. We can go meet him. Come let's go, he said and held her hand. The lady was his mom. Alia came near me and asked me if I will be alright and I nodded in approval. I needed some time alone. " Who is she? " Shan's mom asked while they were moving ahead. " My long time friend, her mom is admitted here too" I heard his whisper. I sat for a while there and then I decided to go see Mumma ji. She was stable now but still unconscious. Dad was sitting besides her. I went in too. I had no energy left to apologize anymore. I just sat there in silence. A little while later, I heard Dad say something. It was finally good to hear him. He had my undivided attention as he spoke.

" Me and your mom always wanted a baby. And we got the good news. Thrice. But every time she had a miscarriage. I accepted that maybe we were not destined to have kids but your mom didn't. Her health deteriorated. She used to pray day and night for some miracle. One day I asked her why she wants a baby so bad? Am I not enough? She lovingly replied " You are more than enough. But I want to give you and myself a perfect little family. A sign of our love. " She got upset while telling me this.

" You are overthinking this. It's okay to not have a baby. We are enough for each other. " I tried to explain her but she dismissed me with a careless wave of her hand. I gave up. A few years later, she got pregnant again. But she was so exhausted praying, that this happiness doesn't made her happy anymore. Instead now she was afraid. Afraid of  a miscarriage again. This fear was so strong that she took extra care of her and the baby and when you were born, she didn't even held you, afraid that something will happen to you. This fear grew and grew over time. Every time something happened to you, she blamed herself and her closeness to you. She started staying away from you. She thought this will keep you safe. I tried a lot to explain her that this is wrong. This fear is worthless. You are all she wanted but her mind was set. You grew up happy and healthy and with that her belief of staying away from you grew too. You won't believe but she loves you more than I do. She loves you more than she loves me and Alia. She loves you more than everything. She is just afraid if she will stay close to you, she will lose you as she did her previous babies. "

As I heard all this, I was in tears. Mumma ji loves me. It's unbelievable but true. I was filled with mixed up emotions. I was happy and sad and shocked with these sudden facts. Why was she afraid of losing me. She gave me birth. How will she cause me any harm? This explains everything. Her behavior towards me. The goodnight hugs to Alia and not me. Everything. But there was still one question that bothered me. If she loved me and Dad so much why was she sleeping with someone else?

" Yes she loves you a lot. And her behavior made me lose interest in her. I thought she was crazy. I stopped giving her time and love and attention. And she kept herself away from you. This made her alone. She wanted a baby as a symbol of our love, but after your birth my love faded. Her loneliness became too hard for her to handle. In order to occupy her time she went to kitty parties, made random friends. She sent you to a hostel. I engrossed my self in work. During this time, she met someone who fell in love with her. She was attracted with him too. I knew all this. We both knew where our marriage was going. I didn't kept any boundaries on her to stay loyal to me, since I knew I wasn't giving her anything. That guy regularly visited our home and it was during that time that you saw them. I realized I was so wrong while not being with her when she needed me the most. I know her reasons were immature and actions were crazy, but it was still her. The woman I once fell for. She was doing everything to keep you safe. To keep our baby safe. And I wasn't helping her in any way. I apologized to her one day and she forgave me. She is an angel soul. It's not her fault that she slept with someone else. It's mine. I failed to be there for her in her most weakest times. I failed to fulfill all the promises I made during the wedding. My love failed. She knows what's love. She loved you and me always. You should have not said those words to her. You should have not. " He kept talking and I think I saw his eyes filled with tears.

" She did so much to never let a needle hurt you, she suffered herself in the process and you have hurt her so much with just a sentence..You should not have said those words dear. You should have not.." He kept saying.

I went ahead and hugged him. " I am so sorry dad. You are right. I should have not said those words. And it wasn't your fault too. The time was wrong, the circumstances were wrong. But now things will change. You still love her. Let her wake up and I will solve things. We will be the happiest little family, trust me. Nothing will happen to her. God will not take our angel away from us. He knows souls like us need a soul like her.." I said smiling through my tears. " Yes, she will wake up and we will make everything better for her from now on" Dad agreed. We both smiled and hugged.

" Dad, Where is that guy who was involved with Mumma ji? " I asked Dad.

" Your Mom realized after a while that she was only attracted to him but had no feeling for him and so they are broke up a long time ago. " Dad told me.

It was then we heard Mumma ji whispering something. We both rushed to her side. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and I mouthed her a sorry and hugged her. Dad saw us and got emotional too. Mumma ji was reluctant at first but Dad told her " I told her everything. " It took a moment for her to take in everything but at last she sighed and hugged me back. I smiled. I asked Dad to join us too. As we three were happily smiling and hugging with tears in our eyes, the door to the room opened and Alia entered.

She saw us and smiled. " This looks like a happily ever after " she said smiling. With those words I remembered Kian and how I need to go see him and talk to him about all that has happened. It was all my fault after all. I need to apologize too. I kissed Mumma ji on her forehead and got up from the bed.

" How is Kian?" I asked Alia. " He's fine, don't worry. He just needs some rest " She said.

" I will be right back " I told them all and left for Kian's room. He was sleeping peacefully. I could look at him all day. But the more I looked at him the more guilty I felt. I was responsible of his condition right now. I quietly took a book from my bag and sat aside on the sofa to keep my mind off him until he wakes up.

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Hey lovelies,

As promised, I am back with an update. This was the most emotional and difficult chapter to write. Sometimes we want something so bad that we do everything to get it. We get so exhausted with all our never ending efforts and prayers to achieve that thing that when we finally get that thing, we do not feel happy anymore, in fact we feel afraid of losing it again. That happiness is unbelievable. So we are afraid to be happy for it. It takes a lot of mental strength to accept that happiness and actually be happy. With this chapter I tried to convey that feeling. I hope I did a good job :p

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Stay Safe and Stay Blessed.