Hello, Privet! #1: Hello/Привет

Chapter 49

ANTON

There is only one person who I can talk to about what's going on with me, and she is the only one who knows about what I'm going through. But I can't talk to her.

Now I am thinking of her again. There is no way that I cannot think of her. There are images in my head I have of her that I cannot forget: when she stays too long in the sun, she has tiny freckles there on her little nose. Her ears, when she is standing with the sun behind her, they are pink. Her hair, dark and soft—she does not even care for it, how when she bends her head, it falls in a certain way, over her face. Then she would wear it high. Her eyes, they are green or gray, and sometimes they look blue, depending on the light, or deep and flashing when she is angry with me. Her arm, the tiny bone on her wrist. Her tiny feet, her shoes, her ankles, her knees.

I am even thinking about her knees.

This morning, I am supposed to go to John's house for some fishing. He says I can clear my head there. Rest. Think. Think about the US Open, he says. It is fine with him that I pull out of the New Haven tournament when I explained about my shoulder. Henry agrees with him. I must take a week there. John will take me fishing. He will take a weekend off for me. And he will take me through it, whatever is the problem, the mess in my head.

So this morning, I take my motorcycle out. I remember where she lives. It is a few streets from Central Park, the west side. Willa found her address for me.

What am I doing here?

CAROLINE

"You're not staying for breakfast?" I ask Sophie. My daughter appears to be dressing up. She's wearing a blue flowered dress, and to offset the delicate look, she pulls on knee-high boots.

"I'm going to have brunch with Tal's friends," she tells me.

"But I thought you said—"

"Me too," she says, interrupting me. She sighs again. "I agreed to give him another chance," she says. "I don't see any other explanation for this, except maybe I do like him?"

Sophie sounds uncertain. To be honest, I can't find anything wrong with Tal. It's been a long time since Sophie dated Elliot and I'm glad she's moving on with someone new, although of course we all preferred Elliot. They had so much in common, but they had enough differences that Elliot complemented her. He had seemed perfect for her, but one day, Sophie just decided to move to Israel.

In any case, Tal seems like a good match for Sophie. He seems intelligent and he comes from a good family, from what I can gather. But I can't ignore the fact that Sophie doesn't exactly seem thrilled by the turn of events, not at all like when she was with Elliot. When Sophie was still dating Elliot, spent all her time with him, and when she was at home, all she would talk about was Elliot. With this one, I can sense her reluctance. I would even say she seems indifferent. Then it occurs to me that Sophie isn't acting like she is in love.

"Maybe this is good for me," Sophie says quietly.

"What do you mean, Sophie?"

"We're going to see how it goes. Tal's really trying," she continues, but I can tell she is only trying to convince herself. "I owe it to him to do my part, right? It takes two people to make a relationship work and all that."

"Are you sure about this, Sophie?"

"Aren't you happy about it?" she jokes, evading my question. "You like Tal so much..."