Shadows heart (Sebastian x reader) book 1

Chapter 7

Sebastian's P.O.V

I couldn't move my body, I couldn't rip my eyes away from the image right in front of me, I couldn't stop looking at...her. I regained some movement as she looked back at me with tears in her eyes, but they weren't her eyes. They were glowing...pink. She took a step towards me and her eyes stopped glowing, the scent around her changed. She smelt like a human. What was going on with her? (Y/N) reached out to touch my arm but stopped halfway.

"I...I'm sorry." She bowed her head down and pulled. Her arm back. My face softened and I pulled her in for a hug, her body was trembling and I buried my face into her hair. She was back to normal but there was still that moment replaying in my my mind...the moment when (Y/N) turned into a demon.

(Y/N)'s P.O.V

I was sitting on my cushioned chair behind my desk and started to read a report Ciel made me of his investigation in London. It seems the great guard dog had found a lead. I glanced up from the report and my eyes locked onto Ciel's one eye, it was silent for a few heartbeats but a smile crept up onto my lips. We were finally getting somewhere!

"You are awesome!" I burst out and jumped out of my chair doing a little dance, we were going to finish this case soon and then...and then...then both Ciel and Sebastian would have to go home. I stopped dancing and plopped back down onto my chair, Ciel won't be needed soon and that means he would leave- taking Sebastian with him. I gently placed the report onto my desk and quickly forced my smile to appear again. "So...when do we go and get the culprit and save those children?"

"We?" Ciel said in a questioning voice and I felt slightly hurt.

"Yes we...I'm coming with you." I gripped my hands together underneath my desk to stop my anger. "I'm working on this case with you, so I'm going to help finish it."

"I can't allow it." Ciel sighed and within a second I stood up out of my chair and slammed my hands onto my desk.

"What...just because I'm a woman?  a helpless damsel in distress? I am fed up of people treating me differently because of my gender! You should know how it feels Ciel! How everyone would judge you because you're only just a child, who is spoiled and has power that would destroy anything!" All of my anger was spilling out and venom dripped from my words, "you should go back to your own home...I don't want you here." I stormed out of the room and my heart was beating at an unrealistic rate. It was rather bright in my house as I passed many windows that were wide open, I finally made it to the room which only me and Dean were ever allowed in. I placed my hand on the brass knob of my door and released a slow and shaky breath, behind this door is something that made me change...something that brought me pain. But this was needed. I swung the door wide open and then slammed it shut, the room was dark and only a few candles offered the slightest bit of light. There was a chair in the middle of the room and on the floor was a pentagram drawn with Deans own blood. It was rather strange since it never disappeared or smudged under my feet, I hesitantly sat on the chair and tried to gain as much courage as possible.  "Dean! You are needed!" It was quiet for a while and I feared that he wasn't going to come but I suddenly felt a presence behind my chair.

"Why did you call for me?" He sighed and I knew he was angry.

"I want to go through with the process." My voice wavered and I adjusted myself. Dean released another sigh and pulled off his gloves, he then untied my choker to reveal the symbol on the back of my neck. Gently, he placed his hand over the symbol and a warm sensation spread through my body. A bright red light filled the room and all of my memories of the past played before me. I could feel it all, as if I was actually re-living it and I screamed as I felt the pain of being hit, stabbed and kicked. I never finished this process but I was determined to do so, this would help me become stronger...to face my fears.

(Time skip brought to you by Sebastian's love of cats)

I stumbled out of the room as my whole body felt weak, I leaned against the wall and was gasping for air. That whole experience was unbearable, but this time I was able to go through to the end. My body shook and I fell to the floor still panting through clenched teeth. My eyes squeezed shut as I remembered those horrid memories, I stood up again and opened the door to my room. Passing a mirror, I couldn't help but look at my image. I looked awful. I was too skinny, my cheekbones were too deep and I had dark circles around my sunken eyes. My hair lost its glow and my lips were white. I darted my eyes away from the mirror and sat down on my bed, Sebastian's probably gone now. The one man who actually cared was gone, all because I couldn't control my anger. I buried my face into my hands and felt warm tears roll out of my sore eyes. I messed up. I should never of gotten in the way of Sebastian's hand, I'm sure Dean was going to be fine since he was a demon, and I should never of told Ciel to leave. I ran my hand through my (h/l) hair and closed my eyes, this all started because I was ordered to work with Ciel. If I didn't agree to do so then I would have never met Sebastian and I never met him then I wouldn't of felt this way.  There was a soft knock at my door and I ignored it, I didn't want to face anybody in the state I was in. I glanced back into the mirror and saw again the beauty that had faded from my body. Another knock came and this time I croaked out "I can't...see...anybody right now." My voice was croaky and it seemed like I was going to loose it soon. It was all probably because of the amount of screaming I went through. I licked my cracked and dry lips to moisten them a bit but it didn't work. My door slowly opened and I looked away from the person hoping they wouldn't see the sudden change of my face and body. Whoever it was ran a hand up my back, feeling every bump of my spine, they then gently grabbed my chin and pulled slightly so I would look at them. I hesitantly turned my head and I saw...Ciel? He gazed at my face and I saw pity in his eyes, I couldn't believe it...he showed an actual emotion. He tucked a strand of my (h/c) hair behind my ear and placed both of his hands on my shoulders.

"What...happened?" He said in a deep voice. I darted my eyes away as a single tear drop rolled down my cheek.

"Why are you here?" I ignored his question and refused to make eye contact.

"You answer my question first and then I'll answer yours." Ciel moved into my gaze and I finally stared into his eye.

"I faced my fears...I felt them...I experienced them...I am free from them." I had no emotion in my voice and didn't look away from Ciel this time. But in the back of my mind I was shouting, I was screaming the words no. There was still one fear I had not overcome, it was the fear of being alone. Ciel sighed and released my shoulders.

"One cannot overcome fear...you must embrace it, not fight it." Ciel looked at the flame of a candle and a shadow passed his expressions. "Sadly it's a dog eat dog world and we must act as if we don't fear anything. But at the end of the day we are all human, no matter how rich or poor. It doesn't matter what race, what culture or even age...we are all the same. We are all fearful creatures relying on a single thread keeping them out of the dark abyss." Ciel's words carried truth and I slowly nodded. even though he was just a child, he had wide words of an adult. "(Y/N)...you are one of the very few people I respect. You were brave and selfless to get in the way of Sebastian to protect your butler, you have a wild soul that makes you do as you please especially with the time you ran off to London by yourself. You are strong enough to actually be the queen's shadow and clever enough to solve cases without going outside and you were able to keep your own information away from a demon."

"Ciel." I whispered his name and I smiled slightly. "So you do have feelings."

"What did I just say about how we're all human?" Ciel chuckled and I widened my eyes. "What?"

"You...you chuckled!" I giggled and he threw a pillow at my face. "And the guard dog has a sense of humour!"

"Pretend you don't know this side of me." Ciel sighed and walked towards my door but stopped when he had his hand on the handle. "Oh and (Y/N)?"

"Yes?"

"We leave in the morning to catch the culprit."