the beginning of my new look(ana)

2016 summer

My lowest weight is 132 ! I hate myself I'm now 140+ and ewe.  I'm ewe okay so I have been smoking a lot better and there and I'm blessing myself.

I did lose her. And in the process I lost myself. Because I miss her tbh. I can't let anyone know. Like no one needs to know, but she wasn't a reason on why I stopped everything.. but she seriously impacted how I view myslef shes so much Skinner than I am.

I want to be a size 00 so bad, shes so skinny. Im fat. I gained weight in August and im hating myself. My little bitch of a wanna be friend told my family about my purging. For real fuck off. Like i hate her i avoid her at all costs more and more.

Shes just a hoe and everyone knows that about her, and i will never give names. But I feel like when i went to parties, I was the best my confidence was so high I loved the feeling.

I miss going i miss drinking and i miss partying. (I like parties sorry)

Ps; I wanna be a Victoria's secret model i wanna weigh less so bad.

I want Xanax and Adderall. I was Ritalin and just pills I don't know why.

September- first week of school; I went out and didnt come back till early in the morning. I wad feeling on top of the world I hadn't smoked in months because family and shi* but it made me happy.

I realized I was not in the best place, that was the first time i panicked when I was high

I hayed myself for what I got myself into, and i didnt want my family to find out or anyone else because the coukd get in trouble. I could too. Quite an age different but he knew what he was getting into.

I have someone now. And he makes me happy. I just wanna party and he doesn't.

(Sorry for bad uploads)