the beginning of my new look(ana)

sophmore year

2015- August 31 : This year I got my first boyfriend. Like actually a relationship where I felt something again. And I ended up doing a lot more with him, we smoked, drank.. We dated for not even four months but he hated the idea of an eating disorder.

Or he just hated me. I would tell him "I relapsed" he would say why? And then he wouldn't care I think. He I mean I was saying the truth like I wanted him to help.

Well I ended up going into pills, selling and taking. I was caught and suspended. For a week, I purged every night 3 tines each day, and did 200 squats.

I had no way of talking to him, and I started panic. I was almost kicked out and I wanted to really die. I mean I felt so alone, I got everything taken away from me.

long story short, I went back to school the next day I was asked if I wanted pills. And me being, me. I took some.

They make me loose weight, of course I will.
I love them but they make me, a bitch.

Well, my boyfriend at this time he would be with me when I took them, and traded them I took pills so much mainly another depressantsn I regret taking them, but I learned my lesson.
Freshman girls who ask for drugs, need help.

But, January is 2016 comes along and I haven't weighed myself. I lost my uncle the first day of the year. (I haven't seen him since 2012)

I didn't come well, I broke up with my boyfriend (ex) and we dlkissed after, he got pissed. My boyfriend he actually chested twice, and so u did too. With my girl best friend. And I honestly don't regret it. I like her.

A month goes by when I'm with her, and she tells me sometimes I want you, and other days I just don't want to be by you. *not the exact words, but really close*

Another month goes by, I'm still taking pills and I drink for 3 days at night just to feel a buzz. I lost more weight.

March: I fell for someone in my last class. He fell for me too. I went to his house, and I weigh myself. I'm finally at 136. One fucking thirty-six.

I got butterflies while with him, and it was the first time for 9 months I felt anything because I didn't feel much with my exes. I feel like a SLUT.

I go to my cousins friends I doubt pills laxatives. I weight myself at 130. I lost 6 lbs within a month.

I have a fwb