Oxygen

Chapter 6 - Bike ride to happiness

I wake up drenched with the feeling of regret. Regret for not saying something sooner, regret for letting myself think that I had any sort of a chance. Most of all, I regret missing so much of my life, missing chances I should have taken, things I could have made my life out of. Now I'm back to square one.

I'm lying flat on my bed, the pillows squished in the crack between the mattress and the wall. All the life has been sucked out of me, all the hope. it's time to move on, I'm going to make something of my life.

I get changed and head downstairs, grabbing some lunch on the way. I head outside and dump my bag by the door as I head to our unused garage. Inside is my old bike, since I don't have a car, I decide today I'm going to ride this old thing to school.

I check it over, making sure it isn't broken, and drag my bike outside. Closing the rusty garage door, I sling my bag over my shoulder and get on the bike. It's been years since I've even sat on a bike, but today I want to get to school myself.

I ride along at a steady pace, going down the road and turning right onto the high street. Everyone stares as I use my feet to make the pedals go round and round, moving me slowly down the street. I try my best not to hit anyone, and when I finally reach school I feel very accomplished.

I park my bike in the rack and go inside. Jordan is parking his car just as I arrive, and rushes to catch up when he sees me.

"Hey Fern, Evelyn not taking you today?" I try my best to ignore Him, and keep walking as fast as I can. I'm afraid of what I might say. He takes two easy strides to catch up to me, and waits for a reply.

"I'm not in the mood today, okay? I need some space". He looks at me worried, and stands in front of me to stop me from escaping. "I just... need some time" I say.

"What for? What's happened?" He puts his hands on my shoulders, showing he really cares. This just makes me more And more upset.

"Look, I know about you and Olivia. You just go and hang out with her, I'll see you around" and with that I'm off, shrugging his hands from my shoulders and making my way to science.

When I get to English second period, Jordan, Kyle and Nik ignore me as they head to their seats. "Just give her some space, I don't know what's up" Jordan whispers to them from behind me.

Evelyn comes in and joins me, and we spend the lesson talking and writing our theories on the Winnie the Pooh characters. "So what's up?" She asks, clearly talking about my outburst this morning with Jordan.

"Look... I just, I can't stand the thought that Olivia and Jordan are together. It makes me sick". She gives me a look, as if she knows exactly what's going on. "I understand. Do you think maybe there's something inside you that's saying you like him? That you're... Jealous?".

I take this in for a moment. "Yea, I think there is" she smiles for a moment, before trying to cover up her excitement. "That's great Fern!" She whispers, and I lay my head against my desk.

"Yea, but it's no good when he's with Olivia". Evelyn nods at my statement, and gives me a side on hug. I let a single tear fall from my eye before pulling her away.

•••

That night I spend home, alone, drowning in the sorrows of my tears. My eyes feel lumpy and swollen, and I have about a million tissues overflowing my bin.

Life seems pretty horrible right now, so I fall asleep, dreading what tomorrow will bring.

The snow falls swiftly from the puffy grey clouds, landing on the white ground. I catch one in my fingers as it's falling. The snowflakes symbolise the peace and sincere pleasure of the Christmas holidays.

As we sit in a circle, we share presents while telling our favourite stories, and share memories with each other. My mother is sitting on a log, toasting a marshmallow until it goes gooey. Her hazel brown hair falls in soft curls around her shoulders. Her blue eyes light up at the presence of the fire.

My father is sitting next to her, toasting a marshmallow of his own. He kisses my Mum on the cheek as she laughs at his joke. He brings a hand to his dark black curls, and drags the straggling pieces to the back of his head.

And next to me there's my sister. Unlike the rest of us, her platinum blond hair twinkles in the firelight, as she laughs with my parents. She looks at them through the fire lovingly as she adds another piece of wood to the pile.

It's almost as if I'm not even there. Not really with them.

"Fern, honey" my mother starts, "Do you want another marshmallow?". Her fine voice melts my heart as she speaks.

"Yea Fern, take another one" my sister's sweet voice chirps. "Don't force her, girls" my father says fairly, his brisk voice bellowing through the campsite as he smiles my direction.

My mother and sister agree, and start telling me about their birthday plans, since both their birthdays are coming in February.

After hours of talking and eating marshmallows, my sister starts to sing, her favourite song. As she goes, we sing along with her.

'Without you, I feel broken. Like I'm half of a whole. Without you, I've got no hand to hold. Without you, I feel torn. Like a sail in a storm. Without you, I'm just a sad song.

Just a sad song'.

A tear falls down my cheek, as I realise that this is all a dream. The image of the forest, with my family sitting under the Christmas tree quickly disappears, blurring into a white whirlwind of snow.

The dream clears and becomes an image of a tall architectured bridge, with the deep blue sky showered in twinkling stars.

I'm standing next to the handsome man again, holding his hand in mine. The voice comes out clearly, but I'm not sure who it is. I only hear muffled words for a minute, and the man leans down and kisses me on the forehead.

"Fern" the voice says again, and I listen to it more carefully. "What?" I ask. The man moves to stand in front of me, and fireworks ignite in the sky behind him. "Please wake up" he says, "please". Then the man's face comes into view, and I see the deep blue eyes and long blond locks of only one person.

And that part was definitely not a dream.