Oxygen

Chapter 32 - Secret Revolution

Sometimes I miss the way things used to be in my life. I miss my art, my parents, but there's something I haven't told anyone for a while. Even Bonnie doesn't know about it. It was something special between my Mum and I, before she died, she was like me. We both had the talent for it, and as a little girl she loved it as much as I did.

So when I woke up this morning, I decided to bring it back. I got out of bed, and put on some bike shorts and a sports bra. I used to have a really firm stomach, but with my lack of exercise, I was a bit out of shape.

I grabbed my old bag from my closet, which was tucked in the back to stay out of sight. I dusted it off and saw the pink colour come back to life. It made me happy just seeing the bag. I tied my hair into a bun and left the house.

As I approached the old, fifties style building, I opened the double doors to find the room empty. I was expecting at least a few people to be there, but I was the only one. The room was just how I remembered it; there were plain white walls, with the brick pattern still showing through it. The tall narrow windows allowed just enough light into the room.

I walked in slowly, placing my bag in the corner on the polished wooden floor. The building had an old look to it. There were pipes running along the walls, and the smell of the room reminded me of the old times, when I took classes here.

The outside of the building wasn't distinguishable from the others around Christchurch, most of them had the old, run down look like this one. The bricks were a faded colour now, but the spirit was still held between them. Spirit I had lost for a long time.

I unzipped my bag and took off my converse. I replaced them with my satin pink, shiny shoes, and twisted the clean ribbons around my ankles, tying them securely. It's been so long since I've danced, but it feels like only yesterday I was.

I stood up, feeling the full affect of the hard wooden blocks at the toe of the shoes. I slowly rose up and down, from my flat feet to full pointe, to warm up my weakened feet. Once my feet felt strong enough, I pulled my phone from my bag, and chose a song. I stood up and began to dance to 'Hopelessly devoted to you'. I just couldn't stop listening to this song.

I stood in one corner as the song started. As the singing began, I ran into the center, and rose on pointe into attitude. I held it for a few seconds before moving again, and swaying to the music. I waltzed back and forth, letting the song drain me. 

As the chorus came up, I ran to the front of the room, where a large mirror reflected a seventeen year old girl with a dream. A dream to dance again. I turned suddenly on my feet, and did a grande jete en tournant, travelling to the opposite corner. When I landed in the perfect arabesque, I smiled to myself and did a pirouette. As the music came to a finish, I ran in a circle, swaying left and right, jumping and turning. When it finally stopped, I did a fouette turn and finished on the floor in the center of the room.

I remained on the floor for a minute, puffing and trying to catch my breath. I missed this so much. While walking home I decided that I would have to come back here. Maybe I could get a job here, I just missed it so much, and it was my passion. A passion must not be lost.

When I got home, I had a shower and changed into my usual clothes. I decided to dedicate the day to myself, and get ready for the formal the next day. I sat on my window seat, in the corner of the room, and looked out the window. I swung my legs onto the bench and wrapped my arms around them. 

As I looked through the clean glass, I saw the bright green trees and the sunshine of summer gleaming through. There were little children outside, running in the freshly cut grass and jumping on the neighbors trampoline. The thought made me smile, how I wished I could be young again. 

The fairy lights glimmered against the window as I watched day turn to night. People drove along the street. Birds flew past, happy and free. The world around me kept moving, but I stayed just as I was.

I breathed a deep sigh and leaned back against the window frame. I felt so relaxed here, just breathing, and thinking, and appreciating. Appreciating the rainbow after the storm. I decide to grab my journal and write a bit about how I feel now. The last time I wrote in this was before I went to America, and that suddenly felt like such a long time ago. I wrote every letter with meaning as I formed words on the clean white page.

Alice, 

Oh how I miss you so. It hurts me everyday knowing that you, Mum and Dad are gone. There are no words to describe how alone it makes me feel sometimes. Who else can I talk to? I'm so lost. There is no one else in my life like you were. You were my best friend, the one I talked to about boys, the one I taught everything I knew to, and the one who taught me to never give up on a happy ending. But when you left, you took all of that with you. I feel your absence everywhere I look. I have a boyfriend now, his name is Jordan. When I look into his soft eyes, I think of you. When I see his blond hair, I think of you. 

It's like a huge part of me has been taken away. It feels like my heart has been torn in two, and is only held together by strings. Sometimes I hear your voice in my head, Mum and Dad's too. I hear you tell me things I would always hear you say, and things you would tell me if you were here. I have nightmares sometimes, imagining you were back, and I lose you again and again. 

In some ways I'm glad, that I have these pains and these nightmares. It reminds me that it's real, that you were real. All three of you were. And now, I have no family. No cousins, no Aunts, no Uncles and no parents of my own, or siblings. I am thankful for what Jordan's family gives me, and I love them so much, but it will never be the same.

I belong with you, with Mum and Dad, with Jordan. I know that what I wish could be will never be. Sometimes the light can only shine for so long, but after it's gone out, it will come back again. No measure of time will be long enough to get over your death, and no measure of time will be long enough with you.

But to remember you, I'll start with forever. Because with no dark, we'd never see the stars.

I will never forget you, and you will never be lost in my heart. You always have a place, sister.

Fern

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Hey readers.

Thanks for reading this chapter. I wanted to make it a bit sad, and show that Fern still misses her sister. I hope it came through that way.

Did anyone want to cry reading the letter? I was listening to Possibility from twilight while I wrote this, and I tried to imagine a scene similar to the one where Bella is sitting in her room as the months go by, on a shorter scale.

I hope you enjoyed! Sorry for the sad end to this chapter.

Alice xx