color me.

:.:two:.:

josh is was the best thing in my life all the way until 2013.

in july 2010, when i was 21 and josh was 22, we bought an apartment in california. all we wanted to do was get away from the town that had those bad memories, and make memories of our own.

"tyler kill it!" josh yelled and jumped onto the couch where i was standing.

a month after we moved in, there was a spider on our floor. both of us were scared of spiders, which meant neither of us wanted to kill it.

"i'm not killing it, you do it!" i shouted back.

"you know what, i'll just get the neighbors,"

and he did.

he ran off that couch as fast as he could, and pounded on the neighbor's door. our neighbor at the time came over, and killed the spider for us, laughing the whole time.

that's just one of the many memories we made.

a year later, on my birthday, josh had thrown a surprise part for me. he invited our friends at the time and surprised me when i got home.

"why are you acting so strange?" i turned to my friend, jen, who was driving us back home from our small trip to the mall.

"i'm not. i'm just excited to get back to your place," i squinted my eyes at her and she ignored it.

when we had got there, i opened the door and everyone popped out and yelled surprise. it turned out to be the best birthday that i had ever had.

another year had passed and it started out great.

in january, we had and inside snowball fight with flour. we rented out a hall, invited eight other people and had a snowball fight.

"ok, so basically all you guys need to do is get flour and throw it at each other," everyone laughed and nodded.

"three, two, one, go!" i ran around with flour, aimlessly throwing it at everyone.

we all were a mess by the time we were done, and so was the hall. we spent about two hours cleaning up before we could leave.

josh had picked up a job at a gas station a few blocks away. he usually got home at around 10 or 11. sometimes even midnight.

on april 5th josh had to go to work. it was spring break, and a lot of college kids were where we lived. he told me he would just walk, but i insisted he took the car.

"are you sure i should take the car? it's only a few blocks away, i can walk," josh was getting ready to leave for work.

"yeah, just take it. i don't want you to walk home alone at night, it's dangerous," i sipped my coffee.

"if anyone tried to mess with me, they'd have to catch these hands," josh help up his fists, looking like he was about to fight someone.

"whatever," i rolled my eyes, laughing, and handing him the keys,"take the car."

he took the keys and said,"whatever you say mom!" as he walked out the door.

later that night, at around midnight, i got a call from josh.

"hello?" i answered.

"hi, is this tyler?" a man's voice asked.

"um, yes. who is this?" i thought josh might've lost his phone.

"i'm officer garmen, from the LAPD, we called because you friend josh has been in an accident. i was behind him, and he got hit by a drunk driver, who was driving head on into oncoming traffic,"

"oh my god, is he okay?" i dug my nails into my lip, holding in the tears.

"he was immediately killed on impact, i'm sorry for your loss. you can come down to the accident sight on gunner street," and he hung up.

i immediately started bawling, and struggled to get on my socks and shoes. my tears blurred my vision as i ran down to my car, and drove to the accident site.

josh's car was completely smashed. i watched as a paramedic ran to josh's car.

i followed in his steps, only to see josh thought the windshield, blood pooling around his abdomen and around his head.

"no," i kept whispering. i fell to the ground and held myself as i shook.

my best friend. the person who got me through thick and thin, was dead.

and i had some idiot college kid to blame.

i got up and looked around to see police talking to the drunk college student. he was around 20 years old. i ran over and started screaming.

"you did this! this is all your fault! he's gone because of you! you bastard!" i tried to jump onto him but the police held me back and made me go home.

i drove home with my hands gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles were white. my vision was blurred with tears, and i could barely breathe between sobs.

i slammed the apartment door shut and threw myself into josh's bed, inhaling his familiar scent.

i thought about cutting, but i was to weak. i couldn't even bring myself to get off that bed. i looked down at josh's comforter that was now grey

that was the night my entire world came crashing down.

that night i lost the color blue.

blue was josh's favorite color.