the only hope for me is you; frerard

A Little Fucking Louder

Song: Happy Song by Bring Me The Horizon

Frank's POV

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I know how hard this must be for Gerard... I never thought Mikey would take it this way. I figured, 'Yeah. They're gonna wanna help...' I never thought they would completely flip out though. I feel really bad about it, too.

"Frankie, what're they gonna do to me?" Gerard said, sobbing, as we waited for the doctor to appear and treat him, "I don't know, Gee, I think they might give you some anti-depressants or some other crazy shit... I don't think anything TOO major will happen; although I'm not promising anything, okay, baby?" I said, reassuringly.

"Uh- Gerald- Sorry, Gerard Way? Come on back." said the doctor, mistakenly. I grabbed Gee's hand and we walked into the the doctor's office, smelling of hand sanitizer and other doctor-y shit. We all sat down, the doctor in front of us, and Gerard next to my side, "So, I've heard you've... Managed to, 'destroy yourself', as your brother put it?" The doctor said, hands up to his mouth. Gerard nodded while biting his lip, grasping his sleeves so the doctor couldn't pull them up, even if he wanted to, "Yeah, sir. I'm insane. Fight me." he said laughing, trying to lighten the mood. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, as if to say 'Stop it'. the doctor didn't find it so hilarious, "This is not a laughing matter,- uh- may I see how you have, so called, 'destroyed' yourself?" Even though it sounded like a question, let me tell you, it was not. He was demanding, while not trying to sound demanding. Gerard shook his head, to say no. But the doctor insisted. Gerard straightened his arms, and set them on the table in front of him, "They're here. But I don't want you to see them... But I don't exactly have a choice, do I?" The doctor rolled his eyes and shook his head.

Gerard looked at me. I will never forget the face he made. It made me want to cry. He was so embarrassed and sad... He took off his sweatshirt for the doctor to see the burns, bruises, and cuts, that filled his arm with a depressing look, "I know... I'm crazy..." Gerard said, shaking. The doctor grabbed his arms, "Ow!" Gerard yelped. Some of the wounds were still fresh; some, even still bleeding.

"I'm going to give you this pamphlet. I really, uh, think it's for the best..." He reached over to his desk and handed Gerard a pamphlet. It was for a psychiatric facility, "N-no! I won't go! I-I can't! I have people I love here... My- my boyfriend..." Gerard said, pointing to me with his thumb. The doctor seemed unimpressed. We all knew it WAS for the best; but at the same time, it wasn't.

Gerard's POV

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I wasn't afraid to go to the asylum- by the way, I know that it's an asylum. Don't sugar coat it- I just didn't want to go. I'm not THAT crazy. I'm not sure if Frank wants me to go or not... I hope not, "F-Frank...?" I looked over to Frank, wondering what he was thinking, "Gerard; we both know it's for the best... I don't want you to hurt yourself or wind up dead. Besides, it's only gonna be for a week or so." I can't believe Frank just wanted to leave me like that. I know he want's the best for me, but what he doesn't realize is that HE is the best for me, HE helps me get better.

We talked with the doctor some more, and reluctantly, I decided to go. It upsets me to see Frank this concern about me. I want him to think I'm doing okay... Even when I'm not. I don't want him to worry. If I'm not here, he'll worry. If I'm here, he'll worry. If I'm getting help, he'll worry. If I'm NOT getting help, he'll worry. That's the type of person he is; always worrying. That little anxious freak... I love him, though. Next week on Monday I'm going to this place... Belleville Mental Institute. Seven more days of being with Frank... "Hey..." I said, sniffling. "Do you have a concern, Mr. Way?" said the doctor, "Uh... No? I was just wondering..." Frankie squeezed my hand even tighter, "How long will I- uh - be at this... Place...?" I doctor raised his left eyebrow. "Good question, Gerard." he picked up a piece of paper. "Well, if everything goes well, in your situation, you'll be placed in the self-harm/suicide unit, alright? You'll have two roommates who are going through the same thing, so don't worry. You won't be alone. If all of your treatments go over perfectly, you'll only be there for a month. If you refuse the treatment or things don't go as planned... It can be from a month to a life-time. You never know- Gerard; you're mentally ill. You need help. These people will help you." I started crying even more, and Frank wrapped his arm around my arm as I rested my head on his shoulder.

After the visit, we walked into the waiting room to retrieve my brother and Ray. I was crying... So my face was bright red and eyeliner was all over my face. I forgot to roll my sleeves down, so we were walking through the hospital with blood dripping from my arms, only for everyone to see. Frank quickly noticed and stopped me and pulled them down, not saying a word. Not embarrassing me.