Abuse Me

Another

"How've you been?" Dr. Hudson smiled from behind his desk for once.
"I'm okay." She wanted to say so much but, at the same time just leave.
He nodded with a smile on his face and they sat in silence for a moment. "Ana- this doesn't have to be like our regular sessions."
She stared doe eyed at him.
"I added you for Friday's because you wanted to say why you wanted to be put on medication." He got up and took his usual spot infront of her. "You don't have to share anything but, why."
"Oh." Was all Anastasia could get out. "I just want to get rid of everything. Feelings I mean. I mean- I know there's something for that right?"
"I can't give you anything for that. Emotions are what make us human."
"But, I'm tired of feeling just one."
"And which is that?" He looked concerned.
She shrugged. She could feel Kenneys presence. "Sad? Angry? I don't know but, it hurts." She played with her hair again. She opened her mouth to say what Hayley called her but, she felt her being pulled from behind.
"Don't. He's getting too close."
Anastasia nodded and Dr. Hudson took notice. He was noticing her restraint behavior as their sessions went on. This time he wanted to point it out. "Why do you restrain yourself from sharing?"
Anastasia looked up quickly and back at her hair. "I don't know what your talking about."
He sat up. "Anastasia. Your making amazing progress. From the first time you sat in my chair you were stubborn and you remain stubborn- it's in your nature I see that. But, whenever you make progress- you freeze and go back to being stubborn. I can't help if your fully honest with me. Medication or not."
She stared at him and felt her eyes water. He had lit a flame in her. Not the one he was hoping though. "I almost bought drugs a few days ago. It's a coincidence. The my dealer is actually my Cousins girlfriends brother. Isn't that great? I got called a fucking Charity case by my cousin and my aunt sees me as this walking plague to her social life. I don't share not because I'm stubborn but because I'm tired of everything and everyone just as they are with me." She spat out through Whines. Although she was pissed off, it felt good to talk about everything. Dr. Hudson sat, not knowing how to respond before he lifted an eyebrow. "What were you going to take?"
"That's all your asking about?"
A sigh escaped his lips. "The other things you've mentioned. Those things are going to continue happening Anastasia. But, given your attitude here, I'm sure they were saying those things at a time when you were feeling weak."
She thought back to Hayley always saying remarks like that when she was at her lowest point. Even her Aunt speaking freely about her when she was asleep. Nodding, Anastasia listened further.
"I'm asking what were you going to do because whatever it was, isn't going to make those comments go away. It's a temporary solution to a temporary problem. I know you're a really smart girl who clearly doesn't have a problem with telling someone off." He smiled as her face turned red. "But, right now. You're hurting like you said. When you aren't hurting as much, it will stop and I'm pretty sure you'll tell someone off."
She smiled and put her hand down out her hair. "When does it stop hurting though?"
"It never stops when someone you love is gone. You just try to make it stop hurting as much."

The rest of the session Ana spoke to him about various things, not illegal she could do to help her cope. She was never really good at art. Never liked reading. She always was forced to take lessons to do things she despised. Her task for the weekend was to find something to help her.
"Next Friday?"
Anastasia looked up at Dr. Hudson as he stood. "Same time."
She stood but, remained facing Dr. Hudson. "Monday- do we pick up where we left off?"
"Monday share whatever you feel comfortable." She nodded and thanked him. Leaving his office and heading outside to Lucas' car. Dr. Hudson watched Ana get in her cousins car and a small smile formed on his lips. The progress she had made was great. He sat on the edge of his desk and looked at the inevitable papers of divorce. He could take his own advice.