New Love

Sioux Falls

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 5

                                   School has been rough lately. I don't want to be here anymore, every turn is another whisper about me and how I almost died. Like I wish someone else was the topic of the conversation. Like Dre Thomas finally coming out or Brittany getting caught sucking dick again. But the Brittany thing wouldn't really be the gossip around the school because everyone already knows what she's about. 

                                    I need more weed. I ran out of it recently and I can't handle being sober any longer. Everything is more bearable when I'm high. I especially miss cruising down the highway high while listening to some Steve Lacy and Jvck James. Honestly, weed is the only thing that keeps me sane. I mean it's probably unhealthy but I'm here for a good time not a long time.

                                   She still hasn't called, I mean at this point it's kind of obvious but I still have hope. Even though we broke up about 2 months ago. I can never forget the date, September 4th. You're probably thinking, "Then why don't you go to her house?" House? I doubt she had one. She would sleep at my house most of the time and be somewhere else for the rest of it. Probably slept at the house where a party she went to was or at the Blacks house. They probably accept her as family. She is probably dating Black because he gives her what she needs to live. She didn't love him and I know it. I don't even know if she loved me. A part of me thinks so and then the other part is really blurry. 

                           I can't imagine anyone having to go through this. But I thought it was cool when Dominic would play girls left and right. He is a real heartbreaker and I thought it was fine. I thought it was fine when he fucked the team and praised him. I thought it was fine when he fucked Samantha and never called her. I even thought it was amazing when he led Cynthia on for a month to just take her virginity. All my friends did. But it's different when you're on the other end. No one should ever feel this way, to feel worthless or felt like you did something wrong or not enough. But I guess it's too late.

                        Yeah so I probably should have taken diner girl's number or went back to the pound to see that girl. But why does change have to start with me. There are plenty of guys who have done worse. Either way I need a break from girls. Maybe I should try d-- hahaha tried it.

"Ay yo I thought you said you ran out of weed'" OG said.
"I did and I don't have weed."
"So why you look high as fuck?"
"Just reminiscing."
"So when you reminisce you look high. Right bro that's normal."
"Shut up....I want the 'C6'."
" Bro is you tryna kill your self. Damn that reminiscing shit must be on another whole level. What's wrong?"
"You know you my bro OG but I don't wanna talk about it just give me the schoolbus."
"Aight but if I find out you in the hospital again and it's because of this you ain't ever getting weed again."
I chuckled and said,"I can't make any promises."
" I'm not playing. I'm serious. This is a very serious mix of drugs and if you take too much of it your body will react in a very bad way."
"Fine I got you." But man I don't even know what I will be getting myself into. Maybe I do want to die. I really just don't care anymore.

He gave me half a pound so I paid him two hundred and fifty dollars. If this is how I die I want it to be in style.
                         I went to school after this drug deal. My first class was AP US History. Yeah your probably thinking "how are you taking AP classes if you're flunking". Well I actually was a great student before I went into my compressed feelings started messing with my thoughts so deeply that I believe the only way to relive myself is from continuous puffs of smoke. All classes I take are AP. I've always been on the honor roll and was always winning academic competitions. 

"Mr.Salantro? Earth to Salantro," said Mr.Gavin. I looked up at him to realize that I was staring at the window this whole time.
" As boring as my class is I still need you to pay attention if you are going to ace tomorrow's test and be able to write that twenty page essay that's due this Friday."
"What's today?"
"Novemebr 5th."
"No I mean which day of the week is it."
"Oh it's only Wednesday. I wonder if that will help you pay attention in my class. Now what happened during the Great Awakening?"
"Well during the Great Awake-"
RING! RING!
I smirked. "Saved by the bell Mr. Gavin."
"You may be saved but I still want to talk to you," he said as he stood in front of me. He waited until every student left his room and closed the door. "At first I thought you were only failing my class but then when it got serious I decided to check your report card to see if you were failing other classes. And you are."
"Ok so?"
" So I talked to Ms.Valenetina and she said that if you don't get your act together today then as of tomorrow you will be taking normal classes."
"Ok well I don't plan on getting better."
"Well I had a feeling you would say that. But I just want to know what's wrong. Is there something happening at home? With you? Your parents? Please tell me. I would love to help."
" I don't need your help or anyone else's, so stop trying to pry your nose into my business."

                 With that said I just walked out of the class. I hate being lectured especially when it's not by my mom. As I was walking to my chemistry class someone's frail body bumped into me. I automatically grabbed my knife but when my eyes registered onto who I had bumped into I realized there was no need for it. It was devil girl. I would be nice to not call her that but I don't know her real name and I think she's been avoiding me. She doesn't ride the bus anymore and switched partners in chemistry, to be Nicki Frumes, who doesn't seem to like her.

"Are you going to stare at me or help me pick up my things dickhead," she said while looking at me. Call me crazy but something about her aura is now different.