I write to you because...

Chapter eight<3

Chapter eight.

I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my chest; I feel incredibly light and at ease. Peaceful, even.

I release a small sigh of content as I lie in the bathtub of my bathroom. The white and light blue walls add to my mood, almost bringing a smile to my lips. The warm water reaches my neck, some curls submerged and my knees above the surface, leaning against each other.

Bubbles slowly circle around, mesmerising me momentarily.

My mind wanders back to yesterday, Louis words firmly planted in my head; Repeating endlessly.

" Love is when you can't go a day without them in your thoughts and when you sleep, you dream of them. "

To hear him say that, is, is just an indescribable feeling; Considering never a moment goes past without thinking of him, without the ache of the loss. However I had left the dressing room lest night with a dazzling smile on my face, scaring the shit out of many people. And I simply didn't care; Louis told me what love was, what he thinks the value of that word is.

It gave me hope.

Niall had been wary, watching my every move like a hawk, afraid I may be on the verge of hysteria. Maybe I am, but, I don't care.

My now wrinkled toes push at the shiny, silver taps mindlessly, putting more cold water into the already stale bath.

How long had I been here?

I swivel my head sideways and find the clock above the door.

11:03am.

Wow, I'd sat in the bath for almost an hour.

My prune-like fingers wrap a big, white, fluffy towel around me once I step onto the warm rug.

I attempt to walk past the mirror without as much as a glance; but I fail miserably. My bottom lip becomes caught between my teeth as my free hand slowly wipes away the condensation from the glass.

Disgusting.

Poor excuse of a man.

Worthless.

Too skinny.

Ugly.

Unwanted.

Pathetic.

Attention whore.

You're weak.

I swallow back the words, having heard them before.

Is that what people always think when they look at me?

'It must be, it's true.' My subconscious tells me.

Alarmingly, I know the exact location of my punishment.

Two steps to the right, reach up, third shelf up towards the back.

My mood deteriorated rapidly, the lost, lonely and unwanted feeling creeping its way back, much to my dismay.

Do it, Something in my head growled, Do it, you deserve nothing but the scars and the pain.

Short, shallow breaths escape my open mouth, fogging up the glass once again.

Do it, It repeats, harsher than before, Reach up, take the blade, and dig it deep.

My bottom lip begins to tremble as my eyes begin to sting.

"Why do I deserve it?" I whimper, gripping my small, worndown bicep. The towel around my waist falls to pool around my feet, but I don't pick it up.

You don't deserve to be here.

My hands blindly reach up, searching for the silver metal.

Do it.

"I can't," I gulp, "I can't."

Do it, Harry.

My hand inches closer, bringing the blade down slowly.

"No!" I cry, having no control of my body.

You deserve this, The voice spits.

The blade cuts deeply into my left arm, blood surging out and falling onto the tiled floor. I scream out in pain as I finally drop it, desperate to stop the blood flow.

It isn't clotting, I think in a panic, Im still bleeding.

It pours out heavily and I cover it with my hand.

What do I do?!

My mind reels and I become queasy.

"Niall!" I call out helplessly, "Niall please!"

He doesn't answer, but It doesn't matter anyway; My mind clouds over and I become very sleepy.

The last thing I see is the floor coming closer.

~*~

Having strength isn't all about being strong.

Being loved isn't all about having a loved one.

Having hope isn't all about wishing for something spectacular.

Being peaceful isn't all about being at ease.

And yet, having all of these, isn't about to bring you back.

I love you, Louis.

_______

A/N

Sorry this is short, I've been sorting out a party:3

ask for the update!x

Oh, and I just want to say; @fallendeeply

Drugs are bad! ...Unless its this story... but girl, You must be on quack;)

:D