I write to you because...

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen~

Louis sniffed and shoved the box into his soaked pocket; he hadn't even noticed how cold he was, but being with Harry brought everything cascading back down upon him.

"Louis,"

That voice. That goddamned voice.

"Please listen to me,"

"Leave me alone, Harry," He answered miserably, "Please Harry, just go."

Harry's face crumpled and Louis knew that tears would soon be falling.

"Harry..."

"No." He hiccuped, taking a step backwards. He was dressed in dark jeans with a black hooded jumper covering his front. His hair was soaked even though a hood was pulled up and it fell over his now dull green eyes. His right hand held a torch which provided a single beam of light.

He looked...perfect. As always.

"Just tell me," He whispered, "Why were these in your car.?"

The rushing of the water seemed to fall in slow motion as Harry held the tickets to Paris. Louis heart sunk.

Pain filled and wretched, a sob escaped Harry's mouth, "So was that your plan? Tell me you don't want me then, then you whisk her away to Paris?"

It took Louis a moment to process Harry's words and as soon as he did his huffed, "No, Harry-"

Harry snapped, "Forget it." and threw the tickets to the ground.

"Have fun with the love of your life," He hissed bitterly, crossing his sodden arms over his chest and turning to leave.

Humorlessly, Louis laughed and the retreating feet halted. Louis tried to speak but the words failed him, he licked his dry lips and tried again.

"You-" His voice faltered again and he forced back tears.

He took a deep breath, "Do you think-."

"Would you-"

Harry looked perplexed; then confused and lost. Louis shook his head and bit his nail nervously; his left foot scuffed at the floor and he continuously ran his right hand through his tousled brown hair.

"I'm..." He breathed out in a sharp gust and his legs shook and soon he was leaning against the rotting wood of the side of the bridge, with his legs sprawled in front of him, "I..."

"Louis?"

His breath continuously caught in his throat as Harry quickly knelt to the ground beside him

"Louis?!"

His hands covered his face and ran up and down slowly.
"I can't do this, Harry." gasped, "I really can't. Not anymore."
Harry watched him with tears pooling in his eyes. 
Both sat in the pouring rain, listening to the gush of water hitting the floor. The waterfalls continued to race down and the water fell faster than before, fighting to keep up with the heavy rain. Harry pulled the hoodie closer to his body as a chill ran up his spine, Louis noticed and looked down, attempting to clear his fuzzy head. 
"Do you love me?"
The words fell upon Louis' heart and grew heavier as the seconds passed, seconds he couldn't answer for. He couldn't answer, because if he did, the truth would come out. It would tumble from his intoxicated mouth, and the words would heal Harry's heart. He couldn't do that.
But he'd be damned if he didn't want to.
As expected, Harry stood up and he began to walk away. 
"Harry-"
"No." 
"Please just-"
"You don't deserve happiness," He snapped, hiccuped once and turned to wipe his nose on his left sleeve, "You wreck everything. You know what, Louis?"

"I hate you."
"Your're selfish and I hate you." 

Louis stumbled after him, allowing Harry to get ahead until they reached their cars; Harry's old, vintage Mercedes was almost scraping Louis' jeep, the bumpers millimetres apart.
"Harry-" 
Louis gripped the weeping teenager's arm and spun him around forcefully. His back collided with the jeep's rear door. Harry was seething.
"Louis I swear to god-"
Louis kissed him.
Harry pulled back but Louis was in control, he wouldn't let him. 
"Louis-"
"No."

Louis reached up again but Harry refused, and, being bigger and stronger, pushed Louis two steps back.
"Please don't make it worse,"
"Harry I don't want to-"
"Louis. I hate you. " 

The drunk man swallowed hard, the lump reappeared in his throat and made it hard to breathe. Tears of defeat pooled in his tired, bloodshot eyes, he stepped back and took out the velvet box. 
He spun it around in his hands, embarrassment silencing him.

The sound of a car door slamming shut startled him but he didn't move. 

"I do love you, Harry." 

Of course, it was too late. The Mercedes was already gone. 


Harry sobbed as he watched Louis' heart break.
Louis did want him, of course he did. 

Hurt built up and the partly patched up heart that sat in his chest broke fully.
He felt numb and there was no other way around it. 
He didn't hate Louis, he hated himself. 
He doesn't deserve to live.