Man Overboard

37. Give In, Forget the Past

"I don't like it."

I glanced over at Mark with a mixture of exasperation and confusion. He had his arms crossed over his chest defiantly, like a little kid trying to get what he wanted.

"He's your friend," I argued, shoving my sunglasses into my purse.

"Yeah and so are you," Mark countered. "I'm just... I'm worried, okay? I don't want you to get hurt again."

He didn't want me to cycle back into my depression again. Not when he had worked so hard to get me out of it.

"I'm not going to get hurt," I said, shaking my head. But I didn't meet Mark's eyes in case I was lying.

There wasn't any reason why I would get hurt. It wasn't like that. Tom was dating Jennifer, not that he had mentioned her when we were at Sombrero a few days ago. The topic had never really come up, and neither had anything else to do with our relationship.

It was weird, how we just talked as if we were at a high school reunion rather than two exes, but it was therapeutic in a way. I told Tom about my job as an editor and about the trials I had overcame to get there. Tom told me stories about the band and their exploits, most of which I hadn't already heard from Mark.

We even talked about what we had done earlier that day, including why we had been at the library. (Tom had gone to checkout horror movies, but then he heard me reading to the kids and decided to listen to the story before scaring the crap out of me later like the creep he was. Well, he said he wasn't trying to scare me, that he just hadn't been sure what to say to me, which was understandable.) We were just two old friends, catching up with each other.

Which was why I was meeting up with him again.

"You really think he wants to see you just so you can finish reading him My Father's Dragon?" Mark questioned doubtfully. That had been Tom's excuse: that he wanted to know the ending to the story I had been reading to the children.

"Come on, Willow. You have to meet me again. How else am I going to find out if the dad rescues the dragon?" Tom had begged. But the playful glint in his eyes showed he was just kidding around.

"No," I rolled my eyes. "I don't know what he wants."

"What do you want?" Mark shot back, his demeanor softening. "He has a girlfriend, Willow."

"I know." I scrunched my eyes shut, frustrated. "I know," I whispered.

Mark came up behind me and put his arm around my shoulders. Somewhere over the years I had stopped having a miniature panic attack when he touched me unexpectedly and had grown to welcome his comforting embraces.

I opened my eyes, refusing to think about all the promises Tom had made me during our relationship, the promises he had made me that the day in the hospital.

"I just... I miss him, Mark." I looked over at him, sure that my eyes were wide with sadness and desperation. Now that I had seen Tom again, I was reminded of everything I had been missing out on these past few years. I didn't want to give it up again. I wanted Tom in my life, even if it would never be like it used to.

Mark sighed with defeat, realizing he couldn't convince me not to go.

"Okay," Mark gave in. "Just...be careful, alright?"

I nodded and smiled reassuringly, kissing him on the cheek before leaving the apartment.

*****