Surviving the Dark

Chapter 17 - Walls

I was staying in Quelia, to protect Xavier. I couldn't last time, and I was hoping there wouldn't be a next time, but if there was, I was making sure I would do what I wasn't able to thirteen years ago.

Every night, since I had my nightmare that had me wanting to run for the hills, the nightmares has come back.

It's the same one every night. There may be a slight change, like what locations of the preserve we are in, but for the most part it's the same one.

I would be in the nature preserve somewhere and be like an outsider looking in or having an out of body experience.

Every night I watch myself being happy hanging out with Xavier, Liv, and Jamie. Then as soon as I start feeling like I am safe, something in the dream world shifts. It gets darker and the mood changes as a sense of fear overwhelms me.

That's when I notice the Black Eyed Soulless Shadows appear. Their yellow acid fog creeping along the ground killing the beautiful green mass as it goes.

It's then surrounding us. Everyone is coughing and falling to the ground, calling out each others name. All I can do is scream and watch as it happens.

It eventually fades and I wake up with Jamie's arms around me, slightly rocking back and forth. Not long after Liv or Xav, depending if it's a weekend, come in with a cup of peppermint tea.

I can never get back to sleep once I wake from the nightmare of m worst fear. Opting to read as everyone goes back to bed to get a few more hours sleep.

At a more reasonable hour in the morning I get up and make breakfast. I do this as a silent thank you and apology. No one ever says anything. They know by now not to ask, knowing I am not going to tell them anything.

Now that I think about it, for the past few weeks since I first started having the nightmare and I found out Xavier was my brother I have been avoiding all of them.

Once I got better from having the flu, I would get up to make breakfast for them but I would leave for work either at TreeLife Boutique or the preserve, always making sure I go to an area I know they wont be in, before they would get up. I would get back in time for dinner but would only exchange small talk while we eat and would excuse myself when I was done, going for a shower and going to bed to read.

I've distanced myself from them.

I can see the hurt in their eyes. Liv and Jamie's also showing concern.

It's breaking my heart to see what I am causing them, but if the Soulless do come I can leave and lure them away from Quelia. Away from Xavier.

'It's for the best.' I think to myself.

I have unwillingly had to put my walls back up.

Since meeting the three of them my walls I've had up since I was ten have slowly but surely been cracking and coming down.

I'm glad I found Xavier and in an indirect way, have told him what happened to our family. He just doesn't know it was about his family, and I hope he never finds out.

I'm also glad I have made friends with Liv and Jamie, but in order to keep them safe if the worst is to happen I need to back off, distance myself and put my walls back up.