Glass Heart Boy

He pondered. What if today would be a better day? What if today he would wake up and all was peaceful? He laid in bed for an extra twenty minutes before heaving himself from the warm sanctuary of fleece sheets. Warmth made him feel warm. It was stupid to think this simple subject to be anything more than a bland statement. However, coldness did not make him cold. He felt no real feeling of cold anymore. But today was different. Today was a new start. He had heard no yelling from downstairs. This meant that his father wasn't home or he was still asleep. His mother did not shout him awake. For once, his alarm clock buzzed on his dresser and he snoozed it. He glanced back at the time to ensure it wasn't just too early for the tragedy he called a home life to start.

"7:20..." He glanced out the window then towards his phone. Fog delay. Not common in the area, but a storm had approached last night and changed the climate. It would all go well today, "I will be okay today." This statement shook his heart. Okay was statement you said when you could not fully come up with a real phrase. Okay was better than horrible.

"Keenan?" A soft voice and dull knock cracked the silence of the dark room. Saera was probably scared. She was probably wondering why she hadn't been woken up for school.

"Come in," she creaked the wood door open slowly, "fog delay." She made herself to his bed and lay down. Two more hours before they even had to leave.

"Mom isn't sad today," This brought a smile to his face. He had forgotten the feeling of happiness. Before he could reply to her, she had fallen asleep. Of course it was a pain to have a sister lounging in your space, but she was his. She was the reason he could keep going. He had known the ways of parenting long before he should have. Big brother was an understatement when it came to them. He turned his back to her and slipped his deep brown eyes to the window once more. This was warmth. The sun carrying light, glittering waves through the cracked window. A cool breeze climbing through and playing with the curtains before caressing his face. No fighting. There was no suffering this morning. Today could only be the day. A light laugh passed by his lips. His eyes began to feel heavy and he too drifted to sleep.

~9:16 am~
His favorite song played twice upon the radio as he drove to school with his sister. Her first year and his last year. Everyone was excited because this was finally it. They had all worked so hard to get to the point of graduation and today was his very last day.

"Your phone," Saera picked up his cellphone from the dashboard and answered the call. He listen closely to her replies and the waited when she hung up, "The college board granted you full tuition!" His lips slowly curled into a smirk. In three weeks he would move out. No more yelling. No more fighting. No more stress of school or home. He would be alone, but he saved years to be able to achieve stability when this moment arrived.

"What are you going to do when I'm gone..." She turned to face him, the sun giving her an angelic appearance.

"...nothing..."

~December 21st, 2006~

He gripped his chest, heart pounding as he shot up in bed. She had to get out of his mind. She had to get out! She had to leave! He panicked, tears welling in his eyes as the sun barely peaked above the trees, it was still very dark outside. The snow settled on his apartment windowsill and his dog snored at the foot of the large queen bed. His blankets were tossed about and a cold sweat beaded on his forehead.

"Why do you still do this to me sis?" He chuckled, working hard to possibly laugh away the tears and comfort himself. It was cold in his room. This was the first time where he felt cold. No. This was just the last time he felt warm. He pulled his knees to his chest, an old picture of him and her as the background on his phone illuminated the dark room. He scrolled through his text messages, then settled on the last conversation. She had seemed so normal. A picture of her and her friends at school and then "I love you" sent and received at five in the morning. A year ago, she smiled. Today, she was a memory. She was a memory to him at least.

"I have school tomorrow sis, please let me sleep..." he laid back down. Keenan had been cold since the day the dreams consumed him. Every night he saw her. Every night he tried to prevent her from taking her life that day a year ago.