Reputations

Chapter 16| Uncommon

Edited.

There are things in my life I have worked really hard for, and there are things that have been given to me.

Sometimes things are in between, for example, my education. Learning is really easy for me, even if I still have to apply myself. Things just come natural to me.

There are still things in my life I can't do anything about, but try hard and hope for the best.

My illness is one of those main things.

I don't even know how to help myself. I'm basically just putting my life in the hands of doctors.

I wish there was a way where I could help myself. I hate having no say in helping myself. I don't want the help of others, but I need them because I need doctors. All because, apparently, I need help.

"Sienna?"

I turn my head to find my brother looking at me concerned.

"Hm?" I hum.

"You okay? You seem upset," he points out giving me a concerned look.

"Just thinking," I say quietly.

"Well what're you thinking about?" he asks clearly worried about me.

"How I'm useless to help my cancer," I tell him honestly. I've never felt the need to keep things from Leo. He's my brother and he always has my back.

"What do you mean?" he asks turning his body to face my on the couch a confused frown on his face.

"I'm depending on doctors for help, but I can't think of anything I can do to help myself," I explain turning to face him as well frowning down at my hands.

He sighs. "I get where you're coming from, but you can't take care of everything. Sometimes it's best to have help," he tells me getting serious.

"I don't want help, I want to be able to take care of myself. I don't want to be the sick little girl getting help from doctors. I want to be the strong girl who can take care of herself," I say looking up cautiously as my voice hardens at the end.

"You can't live your life without help, everyone needs to have help once in a while," he tells me shrugging his shoulders as if it's fine.

"But I don't want help," I say standing up from the couch and heading to my room.

I enter my room closing and locking the door behind me. I flop on my bed face planting into a soft pillow, feeling my lips crack into a frown as my eyes sting.

Feeling hopeless, my pillow slowly becomes wet with tears as my quiet sobs shake my chest, filling the atmosphere with my sadness.

Hours later I can only think of one word.

Hopeless.

I don't know what my percentages are of surviving. I don't know what the doctors think. I don't know how I'm supposed to help myself. I don't even know what kind of blood cancer I have.

I find no hope whenever I think of my illness. All I can think of is how I can't help myself, how I can't begin to understand what going on with me, how I can't do anything, but wait.

Wait for the doctors to tell me if I'm going to die or not.

Someone knocks on my door making me sit up from my pillow and turn my head to look at the door.

"Who is it?" I croak, my voice hoarse from crying so much.

"It's Leo," my brother's deep voice sounds muffled from the door.

I slowly stand up from my bed unlocking the door and going back to my bed. The door squeaks as it opens, my brother slipping in and closing the door behind him.

"You okay?" he asks already knowing I'm not.

"Just thinking," I say repeating my words from earlier.

"What is it this time?" he questions sitting down next to me on the bed.

"What kind of blood cancer do I have?" The words blurting out of my mouth with no control.

He freezes obviously not expecting that, and neither was I.

"You have chronic lymphocytic leukemia," he says, his voice soft and sad.

"What is it exactly?" I ask almost in a whisper.

"It's in some blood cells in your bone marrow, it starts in the bone marrow then goes to the blood," he explains in 'non-doctor' talk. This isn't Grey's Anatomy.

I nod taking in the information.

"Is it... is it curable?" I ask my voice cracking. "Be honest."

"It's uncommon, but it's possible," he says after a few moments.

His words making me tense with a sick feeling in my stomach.I nod swallowing the lump in my throat.

  "It's uncommon, but it's possible." 

Fuck.

~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. If you haven't read my recent update, I been traveling out of the country to spend time with family. I brought some family members back to live with me for a while and I'm leaving again next weeks to bring them back, so I haven't been online in so long.

I actually haven't been on my phone for at least three weeks. I've been really busy.

On top of that, I've been having problems with my wifi and my computer has been having a lot of technical problems lately.

I know these are just excuses and I'm sorry. I feel terrible for not updating and I hope you can understand.

Don't worry, though, I have my notebook and I think I might have a new book coming in a while. I don't know how long it will take, but I'm almost finished planning and I just have to type it into my computer after completing some loose ends in all the backgrounds and it should be done soon.

I hope you enjoyed <3

-Sarah