29. 'In the sky within my heart, your smile and warmth are about to come falling down.'
---
The sun's rays filter through the gaps in the curtains, and I wake up to see it is 7 AM.
To my right side lies Dazai Osamu, clutching a pillow with all his might, a little bit of drool coming down his lips. I grab a tissue and wipe his face, and he stirs in his sleep. I rush to take a shower and get dressed before I wake him up.
"Hey, Dazai, it's morning!" I poke the brunette, and he cracks an eye open. He shakes his head in confusion and sits up.
Without a word, he goes to the washroom to clean up.
I hurry to make him some coffee, and hand it to him when he approaches the counter. When I go to iron his trench coat, I feel his gaze on me.
"You really don't need to do all the work, Kira-chan."
"I know. Now let's go have breakfast, shall we?" I suggest, to which he nods and we walk out together to see Ranpo lying on the floor outside Akiko's room.
"Ranpo-san?!" I sit on my knees and tap his face, and he drowsily opens his eyes and begins to hiccup.
"He looks like he's been trashed by Dr.Yosano." Dazai bursts out laughing, pointing to his clothes. "And he smells like liquor too."
"Seriously, what is wrong with this Agency?"
---
Kunikida, Dazai, and I finish a job later that day. We were supposed to catch the person who keeps cutting the electricity at an organization. It doesn't take long for the task to be done, thanks to Kunikida's amazing wit and combat skills.
"You were so cool, Kunikida-kun!" I compliment the blond, and he gives me a single nod. I think the corners of his lips twitched a little upwards as well, but it was hard to tell.
I guess you can't be too close with everyone, after all.
Dazai suggests we three go for coffee to the nearest café, which Kunikida declines saying he doesn't want to 'be the third wheel'.
And that is how I find myself sipping oolong tea in the middle of a crowded coffee shop.
"Kira-chan, do you ever feel like you're about to die?" He asks, adding a cube of sugar into his cup. He stirs the contents of his cup softly, and turns to look at me.
"I've had that experience a couple times since I joined here," I say, "But I can't say I hate it."
"I feel that way all the time." Dazai says, and I watch the way he takes a sip of his tea. "And I hate it."
A piece of his rolled bandage comes undone, and I keep on watching when he places his cup down and begins rolling the bandage in piece.
Sometimes, I would never understand what runs in that mind of his.
After we finish up, we decide to go for a walk. Subconsciously or not, we come across the river; the same river I had first met Dazai.
"This brings back memories." He laughs, leaning against the railing. We sit up and watch the way the sun's scorching rays heated up our skin.
"Hey Kira, are you still willing to commit a double suicide with me?"
I shoot a glare at him, and he chuckles in response.
"You look scary!" His laugh dies down when I don't laugh along with him.
"I mean, you would, right?" He asks as if to confirm his statement.
"Why do you want to kill yourself, Dazai?"
"Because I like suicide." He replies, putting a hand over his forehead.
"Why?"
"Don't just keep on asking me questions, Kira-chan! I asked you one, right?" He wants to know, and I turn to look at the way the water in the river flows softly.
"Literally speaking, no. I won't." I say. Dazai stares back at me as if he can't believe what I'm saying, and I stare right back.
Why was the person who saved me from being suicidal the person who wants to commit suicide the most?
"Don't you have things in life that drives you to keep on going?" I ask.
"You... You won't commit double suicide with me?" He asks again.
"I won't, Dazai. I want the two of us to keep on living." I state, and he stands up from the rail.
"One of these days, I'd kill myself, Kira. I thought we could-"
I stand up from the railing, and I almost lose balance. Dazai takes hold of my hand, which I swat away.
"You need to change the way you think about life. It's unfair that you make me want to live when I'm about to kill myself, and then right when I change my mind, you go bam, being the suicidal person that you are." I say, climbing off the rail.
"Kira-"
"And if you asked me to join the Armed Detective Agency for this reason only, then I'm going to quit this job."
"Kira, don't do this-"
"Also, if this is why you told me you love me, then I can't really trust you anymore, can I?"
Dazai gets off from the railing and follows me.
"Kira, will you just-"
"Don't touch me." I hiss, and walk off.
Dazai does not follow me after that. When I make the turn, I can see him frozen in place, but he makes no motions of moving at all.
I don't know why I did what I did, and the Armed Detective Agency was the last place I can go to.
Dazai really is the only one I have.
And I'm not sure if I can say the word 'have' anymore.
---
a/n: aaaa thanks so much for 15.6k reads omg! i received some hate comments on ff.net about how this book is episodic and sappy and lacks character coordination and shit but i tried not to let that affect the way i've been writing this book. i'm happy with this book, even if a couple people hate it anyway. so yay banzai!
and i've seen that this book now has 955 comments omg. i wonder if it will reach 1k comments by the next? we'll see XD
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Call Out My Name • Dazai Osamu ✔
Fanfiction"When two suicidal people meet, there's no turning back," is what everyone in the Armed Detective Agency thought. Heck, that's what Dazai and Kira thought too. But it wasn't just the suicide thing that strung them together. Call it something cheesy...
