Portentous Love

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As I sat there thinking about what I should wear for this party that I was being forced to go to, I couldn't help but feel that familiar feeling of insecurity. I don't know how I had gotten to this point in my life where I couldn't even stand up for myself but I knew that if I didn't start getting ready now I would have to face the consequences later on.

I've never been to a party so I honestly didn't know what people wore to parties so I just decided to wear something simple.

I went to one of my drawers, yes my and my father lived in a 2 bedroom apartment and I had to get the room without a closet so I had to keep the little amount of clothes I had in some drawers that had a big mirror at the top, after some thought I picked out a pair of dark wash jeans and a simple blue v-neck top.

I was more on the chubby side so I wasn't surprised when I had to use all the power I had to try and get my pants to fit. It was times like this I wish that I hadn't sneaked in some fries into my mouth at work when no one was looking.

I hated looking in the mirror because every time I would see my reflection staring back at me and I would end up getting disappointed and this time wasn't any different.

My stomach fat was falling over my jeans and you could see the outline of the fat when you looked at me. I hadn't put any makeup on because my theory was that if a guy took notice of me I wanted him to see me makeup-less and looking like myself because I didn't want him to end up disappointed when he saw the real me but hands down to the girls who could put makeup on and feel on top of the world.

But considering no guy will ever take the take to even look at me, that theory was very trustworthy.

I quickly grabbed my keys and put on my gray low top converse after I heard the car horn outside.

I ran through the hallways of the apartment building and ran down the flight of stairs to the bottom floor.

I pushed the double doors and walked out to be hit by the warm air that always seemed to smell like weed.

I could feel my hands shaking as I approached the red car that was blasting a Chris Brown song. If last week you had told me that I would be going to a party with some of the most popular girls from school then I would've probably laughed in your face and said your the biggest lier I know but here I was, going to a party with some of the most popular girls from school.

But it was not what it seemed.

I opened the car door and quickly stepped in and the smell was the first thing that I noticed. It smelt like a Victoria Secret store mixed with weed and let me tell you that was not a good mix together.

Most the girls turned around to face me and they had these confused expression  but Nikki, who was the "leader", simply just gave me a smirk.

I should've ran far away when all the girls started laughing because I would soon become to regret it.

The drive to the party wasn't that long and I paid very careful attention to the directions just in case I wanted to leave the party early.

All of the girls quickly got out of the car like little ants who just found some food to eat but as I looked at how everyone was dressed my self-esteem dropped and I started to feel insecure. 

Most of the girls were wearing short dresses that got to the middle of their thighs and other wore mini skirts with shirts that showed way to much cleavage.

As we walked up to the steps of the huge house I couldn't help but noticed that the house was clean and huge, from the outside you would think that a nice family lived here but as we walked through the door it felt like we were entering a whole new dimension.

The smell of weed was too strong and I found myself struggling to breath, there was a bunch of guys sitting on the couch with girls on their laps and a bottle of alcohol to their lips.

In a few words, this whole scene scared me to death and I wanted nothing more then to leave right now and go back to my bed but the way Nikki was looking me confirmed the fact that I wouldn't be leaving anytime soon.

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