Portentous Love

|9|

" What are you doing here? " I asked still blocking the doorway.

" Can I come in or..? " he asked giving me this this look. I waited a few seconds before finally backing up and letting him inside my apartment

As he walked in, I was able to took a full look at his outfit and as usual he looked good. He had on some light blue ripped jeans with a Nike jacket on. I also realized that it was the same outfit he had on at school, which meant that he probably came from school and straight to my apartment.

I closed the door and turned around to find that Anthony had already made himself at home on my couch; and not wanting to be too close to him, I took a seat the other side of the couch.

" Oh so it's like that now huh? " he asked sounded a bit offended.

" Like what? " I replied, pretending to not care while picking at my nails.

Anthony sighed and took a minute before speaking again. " Why have you been ignoring me all day? ".

" I haven't been ignoring you " I said taking a quick look at him to find him staring at me, but I couldn't hold his gaze for that long and just looked back down at my lap.

" Yeah you have, every time you saw me you just turned around and went the opposite way....is this about yesterday? " he asked

I didn't reply to his question because I, again, didn't know what to say. 

I was attracted to Anthony in a way that I couldn't put into words. I didn't like him or even love him but when he was around I couldn't help but want to please him and make him smile. His company made me feel like I mattered to someone and maybe that's all it was, maybe it was just my hunger to feel important in someone's life. But the one thing I didn't want was to be hurt by someone else. I had been hurt way too many times that I didn't want a boy to come into my life and mess my head up.

" Anthony I-I just don't know what you want from me " I said after thinking for awhile.

" See that's the thing, you're overthinking it "

I didn't say anything and instead focused my eyes on the movie that was still playing on the TV. What Anthony didn't realize was that I couldn't help but overthink everything that happened because not thinking about anything caused you to make stupid mistakes or do the things you didn't want to.

It was another minute before Anthony promptly stood up and came to kneel before me and said " I like being around you you're like a breath of fucking fresh air because you're not like everyone at school or around this neighborhood ".

With his hands planted on both sides of my legs he rose up a little bit so that our faces were even. 

His green eyes that stood out against his light milk chocolate complexion was now a glowing brown that had streaks of green in them. His eyes were so enticing and I bet I wasn't the first girl to get lost in them.

" Don't overthink what's happen and just let things take their course "

I once again lost my breath as Anthony leaned closer to me and connected his lips to my neck.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders to push him even closer as he continued to kiss up my neck. I couldn't get enough, I took ahold of his face and lifted his head so that our eyes met briefly before I slowly pressed my lips to his.

All the sense's in my body came alive and all I wanted to do was get closer to Anthony in any way  I could and that's exactly what I did.

I pushed myself back so I was laying on the couch and without any hesitation Anthony climbed on top of my as well and immediately linked his lips to mine.

My hands slowly crept along his abdomen and I started to unzip the jacket he had on while also attempting to take it off.

Anthony, seeing how much of a struggle I was having, pushed himself up to take off his jacket and threw it off to the side.

Without skipping a beat Anthony hands started to go up my thighs leaving a trail on tingles everywhere they touched. His hands got to my waist and strived to lift up the shirt I had on but before he could go any farther I grabbed his wrist.

" I-I'm a virgin " I said breathlessly. 

Anthony moved his hand from my hold, lifted it to my cheek and started caressing my face before saying " It's okay..only if you want to".

As I looked into his light brown eyes that held want, hunger, and desire I came to a realization. I did want this, I was tired of always doing what I was supposed to do without even getting anything from it and I wanted to do something reckless. At this moment I didn't care if I would regret this later on.

" I want to "

" Where's your room? "

With that I reached out and took ahold of Anthony's hand before leading him down the hallway that got to my room.

At this moment I was done overthinking. I didn't want to ponder over the consequences of what was about to happen. I wanted to be impulsive and not care, I was tired of being regretful of the things that I could've done.

Maybe down the road I would regret losing my virginity to someone that I wasn't very connected to but again in this moment I didn't care.

Everything would fine.