Welcome To The Media (Dylmas AU)

20. Please Don't Tell

Dylan's pov

The only light in my room came from the dim lettering of my alarm clock, which shown with 2:00 AM in vivid red. Outside, I could hear the patter of rain drumming on the window, though I had pulled the curtains closed long ago, in an attempt to block out the world. I lay quite still, staring unblinkingly at my blank ceiling above, my mind as clouded as the sky outside.

The blankets draped across my chest rose as I took a deep breath. For a long while I lay there, wishing sleep would take me. The numbers on my clock continued to change, and still, I was wide awake.

My body was exhausted, from the muscles in my shoulders to the tips of my toes, and yet, I remained tense. I felt as if I was suspended in midair, poised to fall. My heart thudded swift but hard in my chest, and I felt as though I was waiting for the cables around me to loosen, for the wind to catch me off guard, for someone to give me one strong push, so that I was finally falling, falling, falling...

But the hours kept passing, and eventually I realized the cold, hard truth; I had already fell.

And Thomas, as oblivious as he usually is, had unwittingly caught me.

I rolled over onto my side, letting out a deep breath of air as I did so. It was just three hours ago that Tyler had hung up the video chat, with his stupid smirk still pushing at the corners of his mouth. Stupid Tyler. Stupid Tyler with his stupid ideas about people who were supposed to be my stupid friends.

Why did he have to plant the idea in my head anyway? Why did it root, weed its way around thoughts that weren't there before, and bloom into something impossible to ignore? I stared hard at the blank wall inches from my face, my glare so accusing it was as if I were blaming it for my newfound feelings.

As the rain began to finally let up outside, I decided there was only one way to avoid my feelings. From now on, Thomas was no longer welcome in my head, because clearly, I didn't have enough control over myself to put up friendly boundaries. I didn't even want to think his name. Instead, I'll call him...Cabbage.

Determined, I flopped over onto my stomach, burying my face in my pillows. Groaning out loud, I wished I could just forget about Tyler, about work, about Cabbage altogether. My hand rose to rub at my closed eyes, forcing away unwanted thoughts.

If my thoughts were a building, a beautifully constructed building with clear corners and dividing barriers, a building that made sense, then Thom--no, I'm not saying his name--then Cabbage was a mad axeman, taking a chainsaw and reducing my structure to pieces. I thought I had everything perfectly in order, everything where I wanted it to be, and then Cabbage had to show up and reduce everything that I had thought I known to ruins. I was just beginning to trust him, to trust myself! And now, here I was, laying in a deserted, silent room, the ruins of a perfectly good friendship laying fried at my feet.

I rolled over onto my back, rubbing my temples as if to persuade the unwanted thoughts to leave my vulnerable mind. Maybe I was overreacting. Or maybe I wasn't. Ugh, this was all so ridiculous. I should have known better than to let myself fall. I should have clung to the ropes, I should have prepared myself before I neared the edge--but I didn't. I had jumped; I had fallen for Cabbage.

I sincerely hoped I didn't ruin our friendship in real life, not just the friendship I cherished in my head. I didn't exactly have the best track-record when it came to guys, and well, Thomas was just different. My friendship with him was so unlike anything I had had before, even with Tyler. With Thomas, everything felt precious, pure, as if I was holding a delicate flower in my hand, and with one wrong move, it would fall to pieces. I didn't want to let go of the flower, because it was so goddamn satisfying to have. Everything about our friendship was comfortable, it felt right.