Welcome To The Media (Dylmas AU)

13. Epiphanies and Apologies

Thomas's pov

"Thomas?"

Snap.

I felt like I was underwater. Each labored breath hurt in my strangely constricted chest, and my surroundings were slightly distorted. The chatter of the restaurant was suddenly distant and wavering, as though I was trying to listen to someone speak while I sat six feet beneath the water's surface.

Snap.

The sound barely made its way through my ears and to my brain. I blinked slowly, feeling sluggishly behind reality.

Snap.

My head turned slowly, watching the movement of the people in the restaurant. Even they looked like they were playing in slow motion. I settled my gaze on Kaya, and though I saw her, I didn't process her. Nothing processed but my irreversible mistake, which was on a constant replay everytime I blinked my eyes.

Snap.

"What was that?" Kaya's dark eyes were first to penetrate my dazed mind. Her gaze pierced through my clouded thoughts, dragging me out of my shell, vulnerable to my emotions. Shock and disgust were so blatantly tattooed across her face that my exchange with Dylan burned even brighter in my mind's eye.

And just like that, a monsoon of guilt came crashing down on me in a powerful wave, and my mind caught up to reality.

Dylan--he didn't deserve to be insulted and embarrassed like that. Sure, he was childish and immature when we first met, and he knew exactly how to press my buttons, but other than that--he really didn't do anything wrong. I was the one at fault here, and he didn't even know the extent of my betrayals.

I almost gasped for air as my chest clenched painfully. My eyes flickered around like I was reading piles of information, and for the first time I was looking at my actions through his perspective...and I certainly didn't like what I saw.

He must have been so embarrassed--heck, he had every right to be pissed at me. Besides the fact that I just blatantly pointed out all of his insecurities in front of his first potential love interest here in Louisiana, I had destroyed any of the confidence he had begun to build up with the rest of the cast. The poor kid was probably wallowing in self-hatred now, and it was all my fault.

All my fault.

The words felt foreign to me. I could hardly remember the last time I took responsibility for my actions by my own choice. For the first time in a long time, I actually felt genuinely guilty for hurting someone. Guilt clawed up my chest like a wild beast, making my stomach churn and my heart pound. I was so painfully aware of my mistake, and not because someone had told me to look regretful for the press, but because I was actually guilty.

It was completely my fault.

"Thomas?" Kaya repeated again as I abruptly stood from my seat, my chair screeching as it slid across the wooden floor.

"I have to fix this," I muttered, almost to myself. "I have to fix this!" I repeated it louder, with more conviction, determined to repair the past few moments, and particularly, to mend my relationship with Dylan.

I ignored Kaya's questions as I threw a wad of cash on the table, stumbling blindly after Dylan.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Two hours later, I was just about ready to give up my sudden resolve.

I had looked everywhere, from the hotel to the local coffee shop that I noticed he had had a habit of frequenting. No matter where I looked, however, the little bastard managed to evade me.