My palms were clammy as we took the elevator to my floor. I was so nervous and I didn't know why. The first time I had Tyler over I was collected and calm but right now I was so worried about if my shirt was a little bit too wrinkled and how messy my apartment was when I left it this morning.
"Um can I get you anything to drink?" I asked as soon as we got into my apartment. Tyler had a small little smile on his face that hadn't left since the kiss. His whole face looked different since the kiss, his eyes were less hooded and had more of a twinkle in them and a small pink blush was permanently etched onto his cheeks.
"Just a glass of water please" Tyler said sitting down at the counter and waiting patiently as I pulled two glasses from the cupboard.
"So what happened?" I asked him filling the cups with water and setting them down in front of him. He didn't need me to elaborate as he already knew I was going to ask this question.
"When I got home from your house my parents were pissed that I just disappeared. Everyone started yelling and it just came out, I told them I was gay. My dad freaked out and my mom just sat down and didn't say anything." Tyler looked down at his hands, his voice sounded sad and I understood completely. It sucks that the people who raised you and were supposed to love you could be so ignorant to this.
"When I came out my parents kicked me out" I told him shrugging. He looked up at me with wide eyes and I smiled at him letting him know it was okay. If my family didn't want to accept me then I was glad to leave them in the past.
"Is that why you have this apartment?" Tyler asked, crooking his head to the side and staring at me with curious eyes. I nodded and looked around at the empty space. It was hard for me to go from a full house of loving parents and siblings to this dull empty space but with Tyler only a few feet away from me it was impossible to feel lonely.
"Okay tell me about you" I said trying to move onto a happier note. We moved over to the living room and sat Indian style facing each other on the floor.
"My name is Tyler Joseph and I'm gay" His tone seemed more carefree as he threw the word gay out there and it made me happy to see the burden of silence lifted from him.
"I'm Josh dun and I love cats" a small smile lit up the boys face and that made me beam. He was so fucking cute.
"I like cats too"
Tyler and I talked for hours, he told me how he used to play basketball and how he loved to eat at Taco Bell and that he used to have a dog when he was younger. Actually getting to know Tyler was really nice, some people don't focus on the small little quirks of people but I loved too. I observed everyone and Tyler was unlike anyone I had ever met. He was quiet but loud, he didn't say many words but the ones he did you could tell were chosen carefully an had more meaning than you could think. I enjoyed listening to his word choice and just hearing about useless facts.
"So why are you at group therapy?" Tyler's questions took me by surprise. He wasn't one to be very blunt about things but this specific questions was so out there. I opened and closed my mouth a few times trying to think of the right answer. I didn't want to lie to Tyler but the fear of rejection or disgust from him made my body shake.
"You don't have to answer" I think he realized how blunt he was but I had already made up my mind and I cut him off quickly.
"I give myself bruises" I averted my eyes from him and stared down at my hands in suspense of what he was going to say. After some time of silence I looked up to see Tyler staring at my hands also and frowning.
"That's not okay, but I understand. I don't know if you realize this but bruising your skin is just as bad as cutting or burning, just because it doesn't leave a scar doesn't mean its not self harm" Tyler's voice was filled with understanding and I had never felt this much perception when telling anyone about this. Most people were confused, and they treated it as if it didn't exist or if it wasn't bad so I believed them, I believed that making my own skin black and blue wasn't bad or damaging to me. It took my brother Jordan to realize what it was really doing to me. When he found out it changed everything, he was so confused and angry, but not at me. He grew so angry at himself for never noticing the bruises that regularly littered my skin that it tore him apart. He tried so hard to stop me from doing it but no matter what he did I just couldn't help myself.
"Thank you" I said trying to brush away the forming tears before they fell, I hated being emotional but Tyler's compassion hit me really fucking hard and I could barely contain them. Tyler noticed this and simply pulled me into a hug.
I had never felt more at home and accepted than I did in that moment. Tyler didn't shame me or make me feel guilty about myself and who I was, he was the only person who I felt truly accepted me.
"What about you?" I asked him after a short pause of silence, to be honest I already knew. I had never seen eyes as sad as his and after a few sessions it wasn't hard to figure out why he was there. I watched as he inadvertently pulled on his sleeves.
"The usual." His eyes stared straight into mine, not for a moment flickering away. I frowned at his response, I wished that he had felt comfortable sharing but I also know how hard that is and Tyler and I really haven't known each other that long.
"If you ever want to talk, I will always be here" I told him, I was shit at comforting people but this seemed to bring a small smile upon Tyler's face which was good enough for me.
"So how about chinese for dinner?" I suggested raising an eyebrow, trying to lighten the mood. Tyler's face sprung into a smile and he nodded his head excitedly. God, he was fucking adorable
A/N
Ha this chapter isn't that great but I swear next chapter will be good and it will be Halloween themed so like what can be bad about that.
