I thought about Josh all week and for once in my life I was excited for therapy but I would never admit that. The week was long and hard but the thought of seeing Josh made it all just a little bit better. I tried not to think about him because I knew in the back of my mind that one day he would be sick of me and he probably dreaded seeing my face but I tried as hard as possible to push that voice away because I didn't care. Even if Josh was going to use and abuse me I wouldn't care because for once in my life I had a friend and he had stayed longer than any other friend so I know that the time was coming soon when he would leave but that was alright because it was good while it lasted.
Thinking about Josh hating me made my insides churn but I repressed it and walked into the old building that had way too much gray. When I walked into the room, everyone was in their seats and Dr. Chase was fixing up a cup of coffee. He gave me a tired smile and I just went ahead to my seat. Josh was already there and he gave me a tiny smile to which I returned ever so slightly. I felt someone looking at us and when I looked up Dr. Chase was watching Josh and I intently. I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms and stared down at the old cement floor.
I didn't even bother to listen to what Dr. Chase said this week and it seemed like everyone was kind of spaced out this week. Josh just played with his hands in his lap and the kid to my right had his eyes closed as if he was taking a nap. The only part of the conversation I listened to was when Josh talked.
"I'm Josh and I'm feeling alright" was all he said before sitting back down. Dr. Chase didn't bother with me or the other kid who was sleeping next to me. When the session ended we all picked up our chairs and put them away but when I turned to the door to leave Dr. Chase stopped me. Josh was already standing with him and when Dr. Chase started talking, he crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue making my lips twitch into a small smile as I tried to ignore him and listen to Dr. Chase.
"I want to talk to you and Josh once everyone leaves." He told me and we all sat there and waited until the last person left before he started talking.
"So I noticed you two have become friends" Dr. Chase said taking a pause and looking between us. We didn't say anything.
"I think that's really good for you two. Tyler I'm glad you're finally starting to open up and same with you Josh." Dr. Chase gave us a warm smile and the frown on my face left. I refused to smile towards him but I wasn't angry with him anymore. He was finally starting to get it.
"I'll see you guys next week" he said before leaving us alone in the empty room. Josh stared at me and I stared back, soon a small smirk grew on his lips and I reciprocated it ending up with us both letting out small laughs that turned into a full on laughing session.
I couldn't remember the last time I actually laughed like this.
"Cmon. Let's take all the left over doughnuts" Josh said running over to the table that had a box with some donuts and donut holes. He picked up the whole box and casually walked outside. I followed him trying not to laugh at how funny we looked but I honestly didn't care.
I followed Josh into the parking lot and soon we were stopped at his car. Oh. My smile fell and I started to feel uncomfortable.
"Well I guess I'll see you" I said scratching the back of my neck and looking down. Of course he didn't want to hang out with me what was I thinking. He didn't even ask me. I probably looked like such an idiot. I started to walk away towards the bus stop.
"Wait. Where are you going? I can't eat 5 doughnuts by myself" Josh's words surprised me and the smile that grew on my face was undeniable. My stomach felt as if it had just done a hundred back flips and when I turned around the pout that was on his face was enough to make me swoon. I walked back over to him without saying anything and he had the largest grin on his face, it made his eyes squint and creases to form but goddamn it was adorable.
"Get in loser" he said nodding his head to the passenger door. I jogged over and slid into his car, it was slightly messy but not dirty. There was no trash on the floor but there was some stuff scattered around in his back seat. He handed me the box and started the car.
"So where should we go to pig out?" He asked me starting to back out of the space.
"Surprise me" I told him, he looked over at me and from the corner of my eye I could see him smile at me before speeding out of the lot. During our drive I pulled out my phone and texted my mom that I was out so she wouldn't be worried before I turned my phone on silent and slipped it into my pocket.
"Are you kidding me?" I asked Josh, laughing at the place he had picked for our donut picnic. We were on the top lot of a parking garage which was practically empty. He just smiled and got out of the car. Before I could even unbuckle my seatbelt he came around my side of the car and opened my door for me. The pink tint that spread on my cheeks was undeniable and I mumbled a thank you.
I watched him sit on the hood of his car and look over the edge of the parking garage and I copied him. He leaned back against the windshield and I tried to make myself comfortable. I sat Criss cross apple sauce and put the box of donuts in front of me.
"What do you want?" I asked Josh looking back at him to find him already staring at me.
"Whatever one you don't" he replied not breaking our stare. I quickly turned away and picked up a chocolate donut and gave it to him. I picked up an apple cinnamon one and started to eat it while looking at the view.
"So Tyler how've you been" he asked me, looking up from his donut at me. I shrugged picking off a small piece of my donut and putting it in my mouth.
"Been better. You?" He frowned a bit at my reply but I ignored it.
"I'm alright, better now that I have donuts" Josh laughed finishing off the last bite of his doughnut. He sat up and leaned over me reaching for another. My breath became shaky noticing how close he was and when he noticed he pulled away. We fell into an awkward silence and every bone in my body screamed at me to say something to break the silence.
"I like your hair by the way" I said the first thing I could think of and it actually wasn't bad. Josh grinned proudly at me while tugging his fingers through it.
"I'm glad. I'm thinking about re-dying it soon" I couldn't imagine Josh with another color in his hair but I knew whatever he picked would work on him. He was so unbelievably attractive and I don't understand why he choose me to hang out with but I wasn't complaining. If he was gay I would have a crush on him. Crushes suck though.
"I actually have a tattoo" Josh told me, I looked at him surprised. Now that I wanted to see. Images raced around my mind about what he could have and I grew excited.
"Let me see!" I told him, facing my whole body towards him and urging him on. He pulled his hoodie off and revealed swirls of colors all over his right arm. I looked at it in amazement, my finger slightly tracing over the colors. It was beautiful. He was beautiful.
I pulled away when I noticed him staring at me, goosebumps trailed his skin of where my finger once was and I smiled shyly
"Josh it's really beautiful" I said looking up at him with a face of awe. He held a flustered smile as he watched me, suddenly he held up his finger as if he was telling me to wait. I watched curiously as he fished his phone out of his pocket.
"No" I said realizing what he was about to do. He held his camera up and I tried desperately to cover my face, laughing at him in the process.
"Hey" I crossed my arms and pouted at him as he put his camera away. He laughed when he saw my face and his fingers pinched my cheeks making them turn bright red.
I quickly pulled out my phone and he instantly backed off but I took the photo anyways, he was mid laugh. As I put my phone back into my pocket I saw Josh pick something up from the donut box and suddenly there was a small donut hole being thrown at me. I giggled, yes you heard me, I fucking giggled like an idiot and slid off the hood, taking cover behind his car. I picked up the donut hole he threw at me and chucked it back up at him, I heard it hit him and his glorious laugh ring out.
After a few minutes we were out of donut holes and my chest hurt from laughing so much. If this is what having friends is like then I have been missing out. Josh dropped me back at my house a little after that and I spent the whole night smiling.
