Change of Heart

Chapter 29

Tristan

 

It almost feels like a dream, a very sad nightmare you wish to snap out from, but you know that it isn’t a dream and even if you try to fool yourself, in the end, everything starts to sink in.

I know some things about Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy or HCM for short. It’s something that I was familiar with even if I wasn’t a type of person who read a lot. Erica could have just any heart disease, but it had to be something which severity I know so well.

I buried myself with cardiology books I borrowed from Simon’s shelves. I’ve been reading about HCM. I was looking for an evidence that maybe, HCM wasn’t so bad. A paragraph or a sentence that would shine even just a little glimmer of hope would suffice. But the more I know about HCM, the more I became afraid instead of being comforted. Moreover, the shadow of my past that had been lurking inside of me is slowly trying to manifest itself again. As the minute passed, the text started getting all blurry. It was only when I noticed a blotch in the page I was reading that I realized that I was already crying. Shit, this is so gay.

I heard shuffling noises. I immediately wiped my tears with the back of my hand. “Anna?” I cleared my throat. “Is that you? You can leave my dinner there?” I called out, but it turned out it was Simon.

“Oh, it’s you, Kuya.”

“Oh, Tristan,” Simon pretended that he didn’t see me at first, but how can he not notice me when my back was directly facing the door where he just entered?

Silently, Simon strode towards his stack of shelves and scanned for something.

“How’s Erica?” I asked him.

“I discharged her this morning. She’s fine for now.”

“What do you mean ‘for now’? What about tomorrow? Or next week or next year?”

Simon didn’t show his face, but he shrugged his shoulders. “We don’t know yet.”

“Kuya, I thought you were a good doctor? Whatever happened to all the things you’ve studied while you were in America?”

Simon’s hand froze in midair. It was stretched out to retrieve a book from the shelf, but was left there to freeze when he heard what I said. Slowly, Simon turned his head towards me to reveal his set of dark indignant eyes.

“You think it’s this easy, Tristan? But I’m trying my best.”

“Then try harder!” I said sharply.

“You think I can control this, Tristan? I’m just a doctor. I won’t be able to help it if—“

“Don’t you dare say it!” I screamed at my brother. “Don’t let me hear you say it! What happened to dad isn’t going to happen to her! Do you get me? She’s going to be okay. She’s going to get better! I know it! I definitely know it! Even if I don’t have a degree like yours, I know it!” I raised my voice at my brother and he didn’t get angry or anything. He watched me with pitiful eyes and I hated it because it meant that he didn’t believe in what I said.