Apartment 207

Chapter 17:

chapter 18

(josh pov)

my palms are weak as I turn the steering wheel

I try to focus on the road ahead of me. the headlights and streetsigns blur as my eyes fill with water

like a kaleidoscope, twisting reality into beautiful figures

i try and clear my mind before I drown in my thoughts

suddenly, I'm  aware of everything around me

the way my jeans feel tight against my stinging skin

the way my hands feel lost, aching for something to hold onto

my head feels like the world is speaking a different language

it's silent

still

and in the silence my thoughts immediately go to tyler

left here alone, wondering how in such a short time he became my everything

but in a shorter amount of time, I cried his name and he never came.

my head throbs trying to untie a complicated knot

emotions seep through my bloodstream,  sickening every inch of me.

i can think of nothing else but blaming myself as I pull into the parking lot of the park

•

dear Tyler Joseph,

im sorry that I loved you

im sorry I loved you so much that I didn't know how to show you

i doubt you will ever understand the love that I felt for you

you spent so long wondering how anyone could love you.

you counted your flaws

you fought your past

you dreamed your future

and when someone finally came around to fix it all for you, despite all odds, it burned down

a lump arises in my throat

you called me yours

i called you mine

in this cluster of words we created  so many lies

•

after a while of sitting, i feel completely empty inside

vacant

deeply rooted in your eyes

your love like black magic

the very act of breathing reminds me that I'm not breathing with you